Watching Reality TV

If you’d like to catch up on what happened on Thursday’s show, check out this post. If you want to look back at the entire last season, check here.

So here we are! Wow, I can’t believe it’s finale time already! Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday I was marveling over the gorgeous China locale and getting confused over who everyone was. Ahh, good times. Good times. But now? We’re down to the finale four; Denise, Courtney, Amanda and Todd. Who will be the ultimate Survivor? In two hours time, we will know!

8:00pm- We start off with your typical recap, watching clips of the Survivors first coming to China, getting divided into tribes and struggling out in the wilds. Except, not so much for the red tribe (have I already forgot the names??). The recap is, as always, unnecessarily revealing. But, it is nice to see some of the moments relived because I had forgotten some of these. And I’m reminded of how awesome it was when James didn’t use his immunity idols to save himself. That goes in the books, ya’ll. That was fabulous. Amanda’s idea, too! So yeah, if you hadn’t been watching this season, you should be well caught up by now. And I just lost six minutes of my life that I’ll NEVER get back.

8:11pm- Everyone returns to camp from Tribal Council, congratulating themselves for making the final four JUST LIKE THEY PLANNED. I pretty much only like Denise at this point, but I realize that it’s unlikely that she’ll come close to winning this thing too. The next morning, everyone wakes up and Denise starts feeling worried about her future. Treemail arrives and they’re unsure whether it’s reward, immunity or what. Sounds like reward to me. The challenge features a miniature Great Wall and the castaways must finish an obstacle course of sorts that is rife with puzzles. Ooho, the one puzzle it’s TOTALLY Tetris! The prize is comfort food (pizza, brownies, beer, soda) that brings Amanda to tears. The food, of course, will also offer strength for the immunity challenge so there’s that as well. While watching, I’m amazed at how little clothes some of these gals end up wearing. Courtney and Amanda, I’m looking at you. Even Denise is quite a bit skimpier than she started out. And Amanda wins! I’m glad, because she sure wanted that food. Jeff then gives her the choice of keeping the food for herself or sharing it with one or two other people. It’s all up to her. She ultimately decides to share with Todd. Denise looks like she understands, Courtney just looks dejected.

8:26pm- Todd is incredibly appreciative of Amanda taking him along. She wanted to talk to him and pick his brain a little. Mostly because she doesn’t trust him. And then she makes the massive mistake of TELLING HIM she doesn’t trust him. Which of course makes him immediately paranoid. And a paranoid Todd is a shifty Todd. Gah. Back at camp, Denise strips down to her skivvies to swim in the water and she has lost a lot of weight, looking quite a bit saggy. She reflects on not ever being popular. She is feeling mighty vulnerable. Courtney asks Denise who she wants to vote off. Denise answers “Todd” with NO hesitation. Having returned to camp, Todd is still feeling paranoid. He calls them all “his girls” which kinda skeeves me out some. He admits to being worried about “girl power”. Can I say “Gah” again or is it too soon? Courtney correctly calls Todd a “slippery little sucker”. Courtney goes to Amanda and tells her that Todd is confiding in Denise and how he’s being so shifty right now. Todd is getting a little “big brother” and not liking seeing people go off and talk together. Dude, decaf. He tells the camera he hates being paranoid. Coulda fooled me.

8:37pm- More treemail! This is the “remembering the past tribe members” schtick that we go through each finale. And it’s pretty much as tedious as it every time they do this. Everyone has to pretend like they are happy these people were voted out when you KNOW they aren’t because, dude, now they’re in the finale four! How can you be sad about that? They end up with Jeff Probst and go right into the finale immunity challenge. Wee!

8:51pm- The challenge is pretty much an exercise in concentration and focus. Sort of like endurance, but with the added bonus of potential broken china. They have to balance a stack of plates on the end of a stick. One by one, they add to the stack. Everyone does a pretty good job of holding their cool. But the day is hot and the stack of plates is getting heavier. And more precarious. Todd has the most difficult time holding it steady and drops his stack first and is out of the challenge. Courtney wobbles a touch, but holds it together. Barely. And then her stack falls and she’s out as well. Denise is more wobbly than Amanda, I think and will be out next. Denise tries to interest Amanda in a deal but she won’t have it. And there goes Denise. Amanda wins immunity and has a guaranteed spot in the final tribal council. Nice! Who will be voted out tonight? Like it’s even a question at this point.

9:02pm- Amanda is feeling the pressure of her win, because so much rides on her shoulders. Denise feels pressure and thinks she might be able to sway Amanda. However, she is upsettingly vague. Denise tries to play to her sympathies, pointing out that she has to go back to her minimum wage job and she could really use the shot. And that’s something no one wants to be against in the final tribal council. Todd wants to vote out Denise. Courtney is for it and Amanda seems to be for it as well. They decide they’ll just brush Denise off which of course will signal Denise that she’s going. Gah. Not very dignified at ALL. Todd continues being paranoid. It’s not very becoming on him. Courtney makes some APPALLING comments about how “this isn’t welfare” and that Denise doesn’t deserve the chance just because she “sucks at life”. I’m still trying to pick my jaw up off the ground. WHO makes a comment like that? Who would say such a stupid, ignorant, and small-minded thing? Oh, Courtney. Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. Anyhow. I think Amanda is damned if she do, damned if she don’t. I don’t think she could win against Denise and I don’t think she could win against Todd. So her decision is probably more moot than they’re making it out to be. Amanda assures Denise she won’t write her name down, but Denise isn’t comforted. Gee, I wonder why? The tribal council begins and the jury files in. Jeff grills the castaways and the answers are pretty stock. The jury looks annoyed, as usual with the majority of the answers. Amanda backs right out of her “deal” with Denise when she brings it up. But not before Todd catches it and Jeff points it out. Amanda looks decidedly worried. WHY? She has the idol! Gah. This is a sham. Denise knows it, as she goes up to vote. Everyone else votes in kind and Jeff does his tally thing. And, with no surprise whatsoever, it is Denise. She is gone like there’s no tomorrow. Gah. Well, I knew it was coming. Amanda at least has the decency to look sorry as she hugs Denise. I just wish Amanda could have grown a backbone there. Either tell Denise she wasn’t voting for her and mean it (and back it up in front of Todd) or admit to her she’s voting her out. She did neither and she suffers in my view because of that. So yeah. I’m actually thinking I’m rooting for Todd now. Scary.

9:23pm- Back at camp, Amanda is WAY on the defensive. She feels horrible and she should. She thinks Todd made her look bad in front of the jury when she made herself look bad. I think she knows she screwed over Denise and that’s why she’s freaking out about it. So yeah, her stock is plummeting here, people. Todd is confused over Amanda’s reaction. Of course he is, because she’s wrestling her own little demons there. Dawn on day 39 and everyone awakes feeling groggy and less happy than they should. Well, at least Amanda does. They find their final feast and the girls lose their beans over it. It’s complete with pancake batter and bacon and everything else. Oooh, mimosas. Courtney reflects that she should get some respect for having made it this far. My answer? No. Not likely. They make the customary bonfire of remaining belongings and supplies. It’s a cathartic exercise and blah blah blah fishcakes. Just like that, the day is over. They are back at tribal council. This time, for the last time. This time, to get yelled at by the jury. Always fun! But first, they have to stand up and make a speech about why they deserve to win the game.

Amanda tells the jury she feels blessed to be in the final three. It’s been a hard 39 days. She followed her strategy from the beginning, by aligning with Todd. But she is not proud of some of the things she did. Like voting out people she promised she wouldn’t vote out. JR, James and Frosti. NO mention of Denise.

Todd lays it all out there. He knows he was a jerk to a lot of people, but he played a smart game and he hopes they take that into consideration. PG looks bored during his speech and won’t even make eye-contact. He thanks them for the experience.

Courtney admits to not knowing a thing about what she was doing from the beginning because she wasn’t a big “Survivor” fan. Is that a good thing? She points out that she won an immunity (gah) and she’s very proud of herself. Then she says, “you have to give me a little credit.” Uh, no they don’t.

9:39pm- James goes first and promises he’s not going to be bitter. He asks Courtney what her favorite moment was. She says it was when they won the first immunity challenge. JR goes up next and says he has a problem. He has never made it a secret that he doesn’t want Courtney to win. And he promised Amanda and Todd that if they backstabbed him, they would not get his vote. So he asks Courtney what she did to deserve it. Her answer: she won an immunity. Gah. As for Amanda, she promised not to write his name down and then she did, so what was up with that? Her answer: she didn’t want to vote for him, but everyone else did. GAH. And then basically JR goes off as being a “bitter Betty” (thanks, James) on Todd. So Todd explains why he wanted to vote out JR and it was because he was a huge strategic threat. The jury cracks up because Todd’s answer totally shut up JR and that has never happened before.

PG is up and she asks Todd to prove he didn’t just “slide” into the final three. So Todd gives examples of how he worked hard. She accuses Amanda of looking at her with doe eyes. Which she is (can I slap her?). What did she do that was better than Todd? She answers that she was a better physical competitor and she puts herself up as the orchestrator of James’ ouster. Oy. That’s not happy. Erik goes up (hey, he shaved!) and asked what everyone’s biggest risk was. Milking it again, Amanda says putting up James. Erik doesn’t think it was risky, but rather a no-brainer. Frosti goes up and grills Todd on lying so much. Todd apologizes. And then he lays into Courtney. I mean, LAYS INTO HER. And it’s awesome. He felt close to her and then she lied to him so he was surprised. She tries to wheedle her way out of it and I’m not buying it. Neither is Frosti. Jaime goes up and asks them what dirty laundry they have about the other players. Courtney admits that Todd’s dirty laundry is redundant because he’s laid it out for everyone to see. She pressures Courtney to give a reason NOT to give Todd a vote. Courtney can’t give her one, so she moves on to Todd. Todd has no problem airing Courtney’s dirty laundry. He tells Jaime that he deserves it more because Courtney didn’t want to be here in the first place. Ouch! Amanda says she thinks Courtney is ungrateful (yes, she is) and didn’t put her heart into anything (no, she didn’t). And Todd, if he was such a great player, why didn’t he play people better than lying to them? Todd says he deserves it more because he did her dirty work. Amen. I’m a believer.

Denise has the floor. She pulls a pretty good guilt trip on them. She calls Amanda out on lying to her, JR, James and Frosti. Todd is so deceptive, you never know when he’s telling you the truth. She finds his conscience to be alarming. Courtney, she finds her very honest and open and she respects that. Yow. Sounds like she’s rooting for Courtney (which she wouldn’t if she knew Courtney said she “sucks at life”). Up next? Votes!

9:59pm- Is this show over YET??  Good grief.  Everyone goes up to vote.  We only see a few, enough to know Jaime votes for Todd, Erik votes for Amanda, and Denise votes for Courtney.  Gah.  Several people look like they have a hard time deciding.  I hear ya, buddies.   Jeff retrieves the votes as usual.  But no tallying tonight!  Well, on that night at least.  We go to Hollywood and everyone looks VASTLY different.  Courtney has SCARY hair.  Actually, they ALL have scary hair.  What’s with the mullet, Todd??  Courtney looks like she may have actually had something to eat.  No one claps for Courtney’s vote.  No one claps for Amanda’s vote either.  Everyone cheers for Todd’s vote.  And that’s how it goes.  Courtney gets another vote, but Todd is far and away the winner.  Is anyone really surprised?  Naw.  I’m not.  He cries, predictably.  But you know, I’m glad it was him.  I didn’t like any of the three of them that well, but he deserved it the most.  We’re going right into the reunion which I am NOT liveblogging.  You’re on your own there, people.

Happy Survivor-ing, thanks for joining me!