Watching Reality TV

Previously on “Dancing with the Stars”: Sabrina kicked booty while Carrie Ann PMS’d. Then Floyd was given the heave-ho.

Marie and Jonathon are up first doing the Samba. And I heard about what happens with Marie after her performance so I’m interested to see it for myself. Marie is her usual charming self and Jonathon is confronted with Marie’s fans and is impressed. She’s looking cute tonight in a pretty skimpy dress (skimpy for her, but fully clothed for Edyta). I think she’s doing real well and she seems to be owning the dance. I don’t dig the music though, but that’s my only complaint. She does seem out of breath when she’s before the judges. Len is giving his remarks when she drops like a ton of bricks to the dance floor. Tom cuts it right to commercial and everyone in the audience is dead quiet. We come back and Tom assures everyone that Marie is fine, she just fainted. Her first words after coming to? “Oh, crap.” Her scores are: 7, 7 and 7 for a total of 21 which is pretty low and it would have been nice to hear why they were so low. Marie explains that sometimes when she gets excited she stops breathing and this just happens sometimes. Uh. Okay.

Tom mentions that her fainting scared the crap out of him. I bet! Jane and Tony are next, back from last weeks “lift” controversy. They’re dancing the rhumba. Apparently Tony is something of a slave driver when he’s teaching her a new dance, and as much as she might get annoyed with him she appreciates his effort in the end because it seems to be working. She’s looking downright sexy in her skimpy red costume. Like Marie’s dance, it looks great to me and Jane’s form seems to be right on. She just embodies grace. Bruno says the lady has gone steamy and sexy but never raunchy. Carrie Ann says her lines were beautiful but she had problems with some of her turns. Len thought she had romance and class. Scores? 8, 9 and 9 for a total of 26 and she’s just thrilled to hear it.

Mark and Kym are up next doing the samba. I’m still amazed he’s still in the competition. I hope he’s gone this week but I’m not counting on it too much. It’s a very cute “genie” routine but again, I’m more impressed by Kym’s ability than I am by anything Mark is doing. He’s passable but nothing exciting. At times, he seems all but awkward. Carrie Ann “actually liked it”, but thought it was lacking technique. Len thought it was entertaining but that Mark needs to turn his feet out. Bruno thought it was his most entertaining dance to date, but he’s no Fred Astaire. The audience is surprisingly in favor of Mark and boos the judges whenever they dare say anything negative about him. Scores? 7, 7, and 7 for a total of 21. The samba’s aren’t impressing the judges this week.

Sabrina and Mark are next doing a rhumba and I’m almost surprised they’re not doing a samba. They’re still reeling from their perfect score last week. She going to try to be more emotional than she’s had to be in the past. She even got some coaching from Mark’s mom, of all people. I kinda dig her dress. I’m not used to seeing her dance so slow and it seems almost a little awkward in portions, as if she’s not used to dancing so slow either. She executes the technical moves perfectly though and I think overall the dance was very good.  The judges are impressed too, especially Bruno who can’t stop going on and on about it.  Scores?  9, 9 and 10 for a total of 28.  They’re obviously thrilled with it.

Next up are Jennie and Derek doing the samba.  They feel the pressure to live up to their great scores from last week and train hard to account for it.  She comes out in an outfit that reminds me of a canary stripper.  But the samba is obviously the best we’ve seen so far this evening.  I have a feeling this is more what the dance is supposed to actually look like.  I wouldn’t say it was perfect though.  Bruno thought it was great, but that she stalled a little bit halfway through.  Carrie Ann thought tonight was a rough night and she did see her stumble a little bit.  However, she thought Jennie did a great job considering.  Len agreed with me and thought it was the best samba of the night.  Scores?  8, 9 and 8 for a total of 25 which were very good scores.

Helio and Julianne hit the dance floor next doing the rhumba.   I still can’t get over how he reminds me of Sascha Baron Coehn’s character from “Talladega Nights”.  I’m convinced they based that character at least partially on this guy.  Seriously.  Anyhow, we see Helio taking Julianne for a spin in a super hot, super fast car and then practicing some dancing on the beach.  Niiiice.   Julianne’s dress is a touch distracting, but the dance is really good.  This is a great dance for Helio, he seems a natural for it.  He has to struggle not to grin though.  I really like it, it might be the best rhumba of the night.  Carrie Ann felt unsatisfied, surprisingly enough.  She didn’t feel any chemistry.  Hu-what?  Len actually agrees with her and thought there was no romance.  Too mechanical.  Bah.  Bruno agree with Len!  He looked in pain, apparently, according to him.  Oh puh-lease.  Scores?  8, 7 and 8 for a total of 23.  Bah again.

Mel B and Maksim are next with the samba, hoping to come back from their dismal performance in the audience vote.  I’m still horrified she was in the bottom two.   She was devastated and I feel bad for her.  Training was rough for them.  The Spice Girls as a whole plead for Mel to get some votes.  After the last samba, I feel I’m a poor judge but this does seem really good to me.  And… yes, they are dancing to a Spice Girls song.  Okay, that’s a little tacky.  Still, it’s a good dance.  And the technical moves seem right on.  Woo!  Len thought they are M&M, sweet.  Bruno thought they came back with a furor.  Best samba of the night (THANK YOU!).  Carrie Ann agrees and thinks its their best dance yet as well.  Scores?  10, 9, 10 for a total of 29 and the highest score of the night.  If they go home this week it’ll be a travesty.

Cameron and Edyta are next with the rhumba.  I’m still rooting hard for him.  The goal this week is to show Cameron’s sensitive side.  They want the judges to need a cold shower afterward.  And?  It definitely is sexy.  And the music is choice.  If Helio and Julianne lacked chemistry, these two more than made up for it.  Bruno says to lock up your daughters, there was incredible passion.  Carrie Ann thought the chemistry was right on.  And she had an issue with a lift (or lack thereof).  Len thought he was just as strong this week as last.  Scores? 8, 9 and 9 for a total of 26.  Should have been all 9’s, dangit.

And apparently that is it for tonight.  It seemed to fly by.  PLEASE DON’T VOTE FOR MARK.  I beg of you.