Watching Reality TV

Normally I’d have the “Wednesday Reality Roundup” here, but I’m so disgusted with “On the Lot” and nearly sure this show will be axed sooner rather than later and comparing “Deadliest Catch” to it makes it seem like even more of a joke so I’m not even going to go there. If you want to know what happened: Marty got sent home (over Hilary??) and Will and Zach had the best films of the night. The rest of the films were actually pretty tedious, especially the “horror” film from Jessica. Anyhow, that’s all I’m going to say about it. Because the show does truly suck and I fear for where it will tread next.

“Deadliest Catch” rocks, and now it is over. For another year, at least. A huge bummer as far as I’m concerned because like “Hell’s Kitchen”, this is a reality show that works. I was on the edge of my seat for large portions of last night’s show. The Time Bandit, for starters, found themselves in a rough situation. They offloaded their crab at the processor ship near St. Paul island, but had to travel through a lot of treacherous ice to get there. And then? They had to go back. Meanwhile, the ice is packing in tighter around the ship and threatening to overtake it. Seventeen years ago, the Alaskan Monarch found themselves in almost the exact same situation in almost the exact same spot. Their boat was overtaken and the crew was swept into the icy water and it was a bad, bad situation indeed. Captain Jonathon is mindful of this as he slowly steers the Time Bandit through the ice, which is surely damaging the hull. Sure enough, some deckhands go below to check and there are already some menacing looking dents in the hull and each crash has the crew cringing. As dawn breaks, Jonathon spots open water. The Time Bandit has made it to safety. Whew, that was fraught.

Over on the Wizard, they’re finishing up their pots one man short. The greenhorn they took on earlier in the season, Guy, quit shortly into his stint on the boat and simply remained below-decks. Now, he was going to give it another try. The thing is, he’s painfully slow. The captain is getting extremely frustrated so he gives him a pretty gentle reprimand, considering. I’ve seen these captains deal with their crew and most of the time, they’re not that diplomatic. Still, Guy loses it and charges up to the wheelhouse to bawl the captain out. And, of course, he quits again. This leaves another newcomer, Crosby, to fill his shoes and do his own job as well. Which he does, admirably and without complaint. The captain wisely offers Crosby an extra 1/2 percent of the profits for his hard work. And boy, did he earn it.

The Farwest Leader is dealing with some enormous waves and a cranky deck boss. Chili has been riding John the entire season and without much good reason as John is a pretty good crew member. Chili eventually realizes he’s been a little harsh and offers an “apology” of sorts to John. To be honest, it was pretty patronizing and insincere and John recognizes this and brushes the apology off without accepting it. I probably would have done the same. Too little, too late.

The Cornelia Marie is done crabbing and everyone has a little extra time. Last year, when Phil’s son Jake was a greenhorn, they had a hand coiling contest. Phil won, but it was hard fought. This year, they’re going again and newcomer Josh is going to compete as well. Phil barely beats out Jake in the hand coiling and then Josh steps up and shows them both how it’s done. Phil complains that he’ll never hear the end of it, but it’s obvious he’s proud of both of his boys. They have nothing to worry about as they offload their crab, they have brought in over a million pounds of crab.

On the Northwestern, they’re trying to pack in the last of the crab and are having a hard time finding where to put them all. The hull is packed full of crab and they need to off load before the crab start to die in the cramped conditions. Meanwhile, their new greenhorn Jake is still hoping to earn a Northwestern jacket, a true sign of being accepted into the fold. He’s working hard and keeping his head down and the crew and captain notice this. Five pots from being finished, their crane stops working and Edgar has to climb to the top of the ship to work out some repairs. Doesn’t that just figure? He gets it fixed up in good time, however, and the Northwestern is able to finish out the season.

And now for the totals. The Time Bandit earned $540,000 which comes down to $32,000 per deckhand. The Farwest Leader brought in $675,000, $42,000 per deckhand. The Cornelia Marie earned a more than respectable $1,062,000 which works out to $45,000 per deckhand. The Northwestern (easily my favorite) saw $1,170,000 with each deckhand bringing home $42,000. And then there is the Wizard, who earned a staggering $1,600,000 or $55,000 per deckhand. That is money well earned out there on those dangerous waters. How dangerous, you ask? Just take a look of this video of some of the nasty waves that are a daily occurrence on the Bering Sea. Keep in mind, this is in the middle of winter and that water is COLD.