Watching Reality TV

There’s just no getting around the comparisons. Both air on CBS. Both are masterminded by Mark Burnett. Both involve wicked mind games, a “tribal council” of sorts, intricate challenges all the way down to very similarly styled graphics. But “Pirate Master” has something that “Survivor” doesn’t: my interest. We have your typical large mob of contestants that you always see at the start of a reality show. It’s hard to differentiate between them all, save for a few notable exceptions. Those people are: Cheryl, a 35 year old district attorney from Sparks, NV (hey, neighbor!), Christian, a 45 year old former football player from Rancho Cucamonga, CA who was born in Nigeria and is known to be the “Nigerian Nightmare” (sweet!), Joy, a 21 year old receptionist from West Columbia, SC who is unfortunate enough to get a black mark AND suffer horrible seasickness (you’d think that’d make you think twice about signing up for a pirate show, but whatever), John, a 25 year old scientist/exotic dancer (yes, that’s not a typo) from Carlisle, MA who really pushes the envelope of creepy when he mistakenly assumes he’s Captain Jack Sparrow’s clone, and Louie, a 43 year old marina owner from Fishing Creek, MD and who also looks almost EXACTLY like “Survivor’s” Rupert. So much so that I have to do double takes all episode long. It’s really eerie.

At any rate, let me give you a quick rundown of the episode: The contestants board a completely wicked awesome looking pirate ship called the Picton Castle, where Aussie Cameron Daddo is our Jeff Probst.  The pirates temporarily split up into crews, the Red Crew and Black Crew and their challenge is to go find some treasure.  The challenge is very intricately set-up, a Mark Burnett trademark.  The Black Crew makes it to the “Sabotage” section first and sets up a blockade for the Red Crew, who is hot on their heels.  So they make it to the treasure first.  Back on board the boat, they find that the chest includes $40,000 worth of gold.  The pirates then nearly unanimously select Joe Don (from Alaska!) as their Captain, only to find out he gets half the gold to do with as he pleases.  GAH!  The only person who didn’t vote for Joe Don (and who really, really wanted to be Captain himself, darnit!) was John.  And he’s pretty ticked off.  Louie isn’t too happy either, and proceeds to belly ache.  There’s some talk of mutiny (where everyone unanimously votes to mutiny against the captain and he gets sent packing) but that is quashed when Joe Don gives Louie a Black Mark.  A Black Mark selects someone for elimination, ultimately.  Also selected is John (duh) and Joy (simply as a pawn).  John thinks he’s going to be clever and steals the compasses.  Yep, all of them.  So when everyone goes to “Pirate’s Court” where each selected crewmember has the opportunity to speak their piece.  And, predictably, John continues to be a tool.  He reveals that he stole the compasses and that if he’s “set adrift”, he’ll take them with him.  Joe Don isn’t concerned, he explains how he can tell north from south without a compass.  John calls his bluff in a fantastic moment and asks him to find north.  Being it’s a rather cloudy night, Joe Don admits he would be better able to tell in the daytime.  John looks smugly satisfied.  That’s why it was hilarious when it was revealed that the votes UNANIMOUSLY ousted John.  He looked like he’d been shocked with a cattle prod.  He honestly expected everyone to keep him after his little stunt and I thought that was marvelous.  Joe Don sets John adrift on a dinky raft (but I thought it would have been MUCH better had he been forced to walk the plank, HA!) and that, as they say, is that.

All in all, I liked it.  I’m interested to see what happens next week.  Yes, it’s almost exactly like “Survivor”, but it works.  If you happened to catch it last night, what did you think?

It may be summer, “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars” may be over but there is still some warrant for a Wednesday Reality Roundup. For one thing, we still have “On the Lot” to talk about. I still believe in this show. I think the new “American Idol”-esque format is working for it. A lot of other critics out there are hating it and that’s a shame because I think it’s so much more interesting now than it was last week. Anyhow, last night was the “results show” from the previous night’s films. I was a little disappointed and surprised by the way the voting turned out. I expected “Replication Theory” to at least get in the top three. And I was hoping that Kenny (Wack Alley Cab), Hilary (Bus #1) and Jessica (How to Screw in a Lightbulb) would be the ones leaving. And NONE OF THEM DID. Instead it was Carolina (Deliver Me), Claudia (Blind Date), and Phil (Please Hold) who went home and I’m just dumbfounded.  I was also perturbed to see Getta Rhoom in the top three for the night.  While I didn’t think it was as bad as the judges said the previous night (and, oh by the way, they totally don’t think that way about it now), I didn’t think it was one of the best.  ARGH.  I want this show to have a chance people.  But in order for that to happen, we’ve got to think smart on this.  We have to actually pay attention and vote for the best films.  AND NOT FOR THE WORST.  Who the hell voted for Wack Alley Cab?  I think you need professional help, whoever you are.  So, we’ll be back next Monday for more films.  I have hope for the future.

Let’s not forget that “Deadliest Catch” was on last night as well.  And the reason I live “opie” season was in full effect with giant waves threatening to swamp the boats and wash the deckhands off the into the Bering Sea.  And that makes for some pretty good television as far as I’m concerned.  The Northwestern finally got some really good luck in the form of super-full crab pots which is great news for them after last week’s engine failure.  A greenhorn aboard makes a big mistake by trying to prank Edgar and that goes over about as well as a lead balloon.  Dummy.  So far, Opilio crab season hasn’t seen any fantastic yields and the boats seem to be struggling more than anything else.  Still, it’s all good television.  And I’d forgotten that the special, “After the Catch” was on afterward.  I tried to watch but what with getting dinner and putting children to bed and other distractions, I wasn’t able to watch as much of it as I would have liked.  But it looked like an interesting conversation between the different captains and Mike Rowe (the narrator of the series) on some of their experiences.  I think it’ll be on next week too, so I hope to catch it then.

So that’s it for now.  Enjoy your Wednesday!

Wow, what a difference a few days (and some really poor ratings and reviews) makes!  Last night’s “On the Lot” was a completely different show and I mean that in the best way possible.  Instead of the “Apprentice”-like format from last week (and we all know how I feel about “The Apprentice”) we had something much more akin to “American Idol”.  In fact, if it hadn’t been for the judges and contestants, I probably wouldn’t have recognized this as the same show.  Best of all?  We finally got to see some of these films!  It was “comedy week” and each of the 18 directors had a 1 minute short film to show us.  And it felt a lot more like a film festival than a cheesy reality show and that really worked for me.  I’m not going to go into all the films and the nitty gritty details (the show was two hours long last night, I’d be sitting here typing all day and we’d have a fricken’ novel on our hands).  I will point out my three favorites and the three films that I voted for last night.

The first was “Dance Man” by Adam Stein.  This guy left Harvard Law School to make movies and from the looks of this short, he made the right choice.  I thought it was hilarious.  The short was about a man who could not speak, but instead had to communicate via dance.  We saw how this disability affected his life, including his love life until finally he met a woman who also communicated via dance and they lived happily ever after.  It was, in a word, hilarious.  The judges loved it as well and didn’t have a bad word to say about it.

Zack Lipovsky, our resident special effects guru from last week had a little film called “Danger Zone” about some bad ju-ju going down in a safety lab.  The entire short was shot in 360 degrees and one take.  It was amazing to watch and pretty funny.  The judges nearly wet themselves over this guy and I don’t think he’s going anywhere for quite a while.  He’s got talent, I’ll give him that.

Sam Friedlander had the final short of the evening and it was called “Replication Theory”.  Basically, it details the history of people blaming their farts on other things by replicating the sound.  Sounds goofy but it totally worked.  Loved it and I don’t generally tend to go for that sort of humor.  But it was delivered with such honesty and friendliness, you couldn’t help but enjoy it.  The judges loved it too, despite the farting.

Who do I think will be leaving us tonight (tonight??)?  I fear the future of Kenny Luby (his short was PAINFUL), Hilary Weisman Graham (her short was just disgusting) and Jess Brillhart (her short was confusing).  I don’t know if we’re going back to last week’s format or not.  I’m sort of hoping not because last night’s show was SO much fun for a change.

We had the second episode of “On the Lot” last night and we got to see some of the fruits of the contestants labors. The 24 hour short film challenge went pretty well, from the clips that I saw. Particularly the one that capitalized on Zach’s talents as a special effects guru. Some were a little off and I was particularly pleased to see the judges call out the team that did the overly stylized by content free short film. We need to see a lot less of that in Hollywood. Sometimes I think movies are called Artsy and Hip because people want us to think they’re Artsy and Hip and that drives me nuts. Anyhow, that’s my issue and not related to last night’s show (much). A bunch of people are eliminated, including Hannah Sink which makes me happy because her name bothered me. Yes, I can be that fickle. Leave me alone. Then the contestants got another challenge: make a short film in ONE HOUR. They’re given the set, the script and a bunch of actors and they have one hour to put it together. I’d tell you when to tune in for the next episode except that I have no idea when it will be. Frankly, I’m a little worried about “On the Lot” because so far its been rather boring, we’ve seen far too little of the films and I haven’t really seen anything to make me care yet. This could be a great show, and I’m just really not seeing it yet. Bummer.

“So You Think You Can Dance” aired it’s season 3 premiere episode last night. It, much like “American Idol” focuses on the auditions at the beginning. So among the people who, you know, can actually DANCE, we had the people who think they can dance. And apparently, much like singing on “American Idol”, a lot of people on “SYTYCD” think they can dance. And they can’t. YIKES. But that’s part of what makes the show so fun. We even had the cranky judge getting all up in some guy’s grill about his complete lack of talent and how this guy is wasting everyone’s time and yet, here they are, showing this whole thing on television and taking time away from the people who can actually dance. So, whatever. People are weird, and this show proves it.

Oh dear me. This is almost too much reality for one girl to take. We start off, as usual, with “Deadliest Catch”, that most awesome of Discovery Network shows. The weather is wicked being that it is January and this is Alaska. The waves are nuts and the boats are getting knocked around like toys. Makes for some awesome television, let me tell ya. A rogue wave knocks one of the boats and actually busts up the “spooler”. Thank goodness no one was on deck when it happened or everyone would have been in big trouble. At another point in the show, one of the deckhands gets his leg got caught in the line on the trap and if he hadn’t moved so quickly, the guy would have been yanked overboard. Yikes! Meanwhile, things are looking pretty bad for the Northwestern. Just when their luck was looking up and they started raking in some SERIOUSLY full crab pots, the boat starts acting up. Some investigatory work is done and basically, the engine is kaput or trying to become kaput (it all is a bit over my head, actually). The long and short of it is, the Northwestern is hatin’ life. Which is awful cuz I love those guys. Starting next week: we’ll get to watch a miniseries that takes place after the show called “After the Catch” where the nutjob from “Dirty Jobs” interviews the different captains and finds out the behind the scenes scoop. Sweet! Sign me up!

Then, we moved on to “American Idol”. Talk about being down to the wire. After some banter about Paula’s broken nose, we get to the nitty gritty. Blake won the coin toss last episode so he chose to go first. He starts off with his completely awesome rendition of “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi which is even awesomer than the last time. Even Simon is effusive about the performance. Jordin chose to sing “Fighter” by Christina Aquilera and I thought she got a little “screechy” during the middle of the song. Definitely wasn’t her best song. So round one went to Blake, hands down. But the next round, he chose “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 and she chose “A Broken Wing” by Martina McBride, which you’ll remember she rocked rather soundly the first time she sang it. So even though he did a great job with his song, Jordin smoked him during this round. The last round, I thought, was rather unfair. The Idols were told to sing the winner of the songwriter competition’s song, called “This is My Now”. I wouldn’t say it was made for a woman (because it wasn’t), but it was definitely far better suited to Jordin’s style of singing rather than Blake’s. He was frustrated with the song, obviously, but shrugged it off. Jordin did a little better (but I still thought she sounded flat, probably the song’s fault and not hers) and finished off with tears in her eyes, guaranteeing her a healthy chunk of the sympathy vote. Whatever. I so voted for Blake, it’s not even funny. We are treated to Daughtry singing “Home” live on the stage at the end of the show, a very fitting tribute. And I’m still upset that he didn’t win his season. Taylor Hicks is a frickin’ hack. Ahem.

Now, here’s where things got interesting. We had the “Dancing with the Stars” finale and results show (Two hours though? Seriously? What do they think this is, “American Idol”?). But we also had the premiere of “On the Lot” which simply MUST be watched. Praise the heavens for Tivo, is all I can say. “On the Lot” looks like a really promising show. We had the usual reality premiere drudgery, where we’re introduced to a mob of contestants and everything is still rather confusing and disjointed. However, we were introduced to the judges, who are awesome. We have Carrie Fisher, Brent Ratner and Gary Marshall, quite the big-wigs in my opinion. I was impressed. The first task was to take a basic story premise and pitch it as a feature film to the judges. Some people dropped the ball in a rather horrifying manner, while others stepped up and one guy gave such a good pitch that Gary was ready to hire him on to do the flick when he was done. The eliminations were painful, but necessary and fair. Painful only because I know it had to be so disappointing for those who were hoping for more from this experience. The show will be on next on Thursday and we’ll see the contestants’ first big efforts: a 2 1/2 minute short that they had literally NO TIME to put together. As a team. Yeah, should be fun. I know I’ll be tuning in.

On “Dancing with the Stars”, what else is there to talk about other than who won? I was pleased to see Apolo and Julianne take home the trophy. They deserved it. Laila was a good dancer, but she and Maks lacked the chemistry and all around enjoyment that Apolo and Julianne had. Joey had flair up the ying yang, but he lacked the skills to beat Apolo. Overall, it was a very satisfying end to the show. Just don’t tell that to Laila or Joey. In her words, Laila was pissed to be booted out in third place. And Joey looked very obviously disappointed to come in second. But they had to know the audience loved Apolo. So yay! That’s the sort of reality finale I like to see. However, maybe in the future they can cut it back to one hour tops because two hours for that stuff was TORTURE. They didn’t have near enough content to fill a full two hours and it was awful having to suffer through the drivel to get to the good stuff. Think about that next season, ABC.

Well, I went into last night’s show a little nervous. I’ve been rooting for Apolo and Julianne all along and I was afraid they would drop the ball this evening. This is a very important performance, being the last one before the finale tonight and I was worried that either the pressure would get to this energetic duo or that the judges would backlash against them. And after the first round of dances, a “judge’s choice”, it seemed like my fears were well founded.

The judges chose the paso doble for Laila and Maksim and they delivered nearly perfectly and the scores reflected that. For Apolo and Julianne, they chose the rhumba, a dance which has never been their strong suit, and they received scores lower than I would have liked. In the interest of fairness, Joey and Kym danced the cha cha but received an 8 in their scores for not concentrating on the content of the song. It was a fun dance though, Joey sure knows how to deliver the fun. Going into the second round, I was nervous for my favorite pair. I needn’t have been. Laila and Maksim’s freestyle performance fell short of fabulous and they received a rather low score for it. Interestingly enough, Joey and Kym got a fantastic score for their freestyle performance and it was enough to put them into second place on the leaderboard. It was Apolo and Julianne, though, that received the 30 for the evening for their awesome freestyle (set to “Bust a Move” ha!) and catapulted them into first place.

So it turns out the backlash and the dropping of balls was saved for Laila and Maksim instead of Apolo and Julianne. I shouldn’t be pleased by that, but I am. It all rests on the fans. And I do think the fans will turn out for Apolo tonight. I expect he’ll be the one to win this. I imagine Laila will come in second, but I don’t want to discount the Nsync fanbase out there. Joey could pull off second. We’ll find out tonight!

Well knock me over with a feather. Last night I feared, FEARED for Blake’s continuation in “the game”. It made sense that he’d probably be the one to go home, even though I enjoy him immensely. And the only thing I thought that could save him would be Jordin getting the boot. So when I saw Jordin was safe I assumed the worst for our beatboxing friend. And then, the unthinkable. Melinda? You’re going HOME. Holy freakin’ cow. I can’t say that anyone out there saw that coming. And if anyone tries to tell you they knew it, they’re LYING. Because that was a SHOCK. (And, for future reference, I can’t take that kind of shock minutes before “Lost” comes on because by 11pm I will have aged 10 years.) And this was after Simon pleaded with America to send Melinda to the finals. Unbelievable.

You know what I think happened? I think when Simon said that, all the Jordin and Blake fans got (rightly) worried. And the majority of voters, worried their favorites might get the boot because obviously Melinda would be staying, voted in droves. And the result is the worried fans outvoted the Melinda fans and… poof. She’s gone. Just like that. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Melinda Doolittle though. The woman is far too talented to just fade into nothingness now. I hope by this time next year to see her doing some big and brilliant things. All of the final three have a future, but I really hope she gets her dream. Damn, that was a bummer.

So who’s going to win this thing? Anyone’s guess. I’m through predicting!

I am back in business, ya’ll! And I couldn’t be happier. I spent all of this afternoon trying to get everything reinstalled and set up the way I like it again. I still have a lot to do, but at least I’m able to post again. The only other computer available to me (when he wasn’t taking it to work with him) was my husband’s laptop and the keyboard on that is WAY too tiny to type on. I’d get through a paragraph only to accidentally select and delete what I’d just written. BAH! Anyhow, I’m happy to report, things will be getting back to normal around here. I’m so sorry for the lack of posts the last several days and thanks so much for being patient!

Firstly, we have last night’s “Deadliest Catch” episode. I LOVE the snow crab season. LOVE it. It always seems to be a big ramp up from the king crab season. The weather is nastier, for one thing. We were introduced to a bunch of new greenhorns tonight. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t you rather be a greenhorn during king crab season than snow crab season? Seriously? Should be interesting to see how they all do. There was also a sequence tonight where someone on another boat got gravely ill and the coast guard had to be called out to rescue him. The guy was literally on his last legs. Lord knows what was wrong with him. But it was intense. We should have some good moments coming up, looks like the weather is going to make things interesting sooner rather than later.

“American Idol” is really getting down to the wire and I’m a little scared. Because I love everyone who is left and I don’t want to see any of them go. But one of them HAS to go and that really bums me out. Tonight, the first songs were selected by the judges. And the contestants did pretty well with them, but Melinda is the only one to really hit it out of the park. Fair enough. The next songs were selected by the producers and Jordin didn’t do maybe as well, Blake did better and Melinda, yet again, did a fabulous job. Tonight we had THREE songs and the third set were the contestants favorite songs. Aww! Fun! Melinda and Jordin did okay and Blake did a really fantastic job and wowed even Simon. But when it comes down to it, it looks as if the judges favor the women in the final two. Simon especially hopes to see Melinda in the final two, no matter what happens. I hate to think of any of these talented people leaving, but I fear it will be Blake. Which is a shame because he’s a fantastic singer and he takes wonderful risks and really tries to keep himself modern in a competition that will often “age” and make corny your average talent-seeker. But I guess we’ll have to wait for the results show. *bites nails nervously*

Yep, it was as expected. Ian and Cheryl were sent packing tonight and rightly so. I mean, how could they overcome the sheer awesomeness that was the other three dancing teams from Monday night? I mean, COME ON. Though I’m still smarting over Len calling Apolo’s fantastic cha cha “raunchy” because it was probably the single most awesome dance I’ve ever seen on that show. I’m hoping he wins because he’s simply fantastic. But then again, the judges have a thing for Laila. She’s good, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know. Her partner, Maksim, kinda bugs me. I think he’s sort of a jerk. So if I had to predict, I’d say it’ll be Apolo for the win. But then again, I’ve been saying that for weeks now so this should be no surprise to you. I was not sad to Ian go, but I will be sad next week. I feel it might be Joey going home (as it should) and that sorta makes me sad because he’s so much fun to watch. But we are getting down to the wire and it’s time to get serious. Dangit.

So yay! I’m back in business! I’m so happy to have my laptop back, I could spit.

Yep, you heard me right. I’m liveblogging the “Amazing Race: All Stars” finale. Woot! I know I may be three hours behind to some of you, but that’s living in the Pacific time zone for you. It’s new to me, that’s what matters.

8:00pm - We get the obligatory “catch up” on everything that has happened so far on the race. My distaste for Charla and Mirna is amplified tenfold. I’m reminded why I wish them harm on a weekly basis. I miss Uchenna and Joyce. And yes, Rob and Amber. BOO!

8:04pm - The Kay Jewelers commercial really annoys me. I hate those kids singing “Happy Mother’s Day”. Yes, you heard me. I hate kids. Stop showing that commercial, please.

8:05pm - It is a surprise to NO ONE that the teams are sent to Hawaii. Let’s see, they were at Guam and they’re going back to the States… hmm. I called that one last week, how about you?

8:07pm - Eric is wearing his retarded “COLEGE” shirt again. I want to punch him.

8:11pm - Wait, I’m a little confused. Please tell me that Charla and Mirna did not get on an EARLIER FLIGHT. Because I really don’t believe that God hates me that much.

8:15pm - OMG, they did. God hates me.

(more…)

It was bound to happen, after last week’s “bloodfest”. Mookie’s ousting saved Alex for the time being but he wasn’t near as fortunate this week. Okay, to be entirely honest, Alex’s plight was not helped by Boo winning immunity. Because, apparently, Boo is a twerp. And the rest of the castaways are realizing this. They wouldn’t have minded the chance to get rid of him, even before Alex, but no. The immunity has spoken. So homeward bound was Alex (actually, don’t they go on some vacation? or are they doing jury yet? Is it Friday yet??). They’re all getting pretty annoyed with one another, actually. I guess it’s just gotten to that point in the game already. You spend enough days on a boring island with a bunch of stinky, camera-whoring people and they’re gonna start getting under your skin in a big, big way. So “Bravo!” to them for sticking it out this far because with my tolerance for humanity, I’m not sure i would have lasted this long.

Anyhow. Where was I? Oh yes, Alex was sent home. Who is next? Who cares?

What a very satisfying end to a very satisfying week. If only all weeks of “American Idol” could be like this. Good music, great performances and deserving contestants being sent home. Those who were sent home were exactly who I thought should be sent home. And what we’re left with is the contestants whom I think have the most chance to win this competition and who are all fantastic singers. The next elimination is going to be a nailbiter. I’m going to make an early prediction however and predict that LaKisha leaves next. We’re really getting down to the wire though, and the next several weeks promise to be VERY exciting.

Yes, last night, Phil Stacey and Chris Richardson were sent home. Both were decent singers, but I don’t think either were in the same ballpark with any of the remaining contestants. Chris, in particular, was starting to really get on my nerves. There was just something way too “boy band” about him. A lot of people compared him to Justin Timberlake and I didn’t see that AT ALL. Phil was a sweet guy, but his performances were hit and miss and it was just time for him.

Next week, things promise to ramp up on the show and I, for one, am very interested to see what happens next.

I wrote up a long, and if I do say so myself, rather brilliant post recapping last night’s “Dancing with the Stars”. It was filled with lots of deep, insightful comments and witty, biting comments. And you know what happened? Just as I was typing the very last sentance of this brilliant recap, my youngest child (a 10 month old baby) banged on the keyboard and amazingly hit a series of keys that entirely deleted all that I had written. (weep) After having a small fit and cursing the 451Press Gods for not upgrading to WordPress 2.1 already (the autosave feature would have certainly saved me), I am back. But am I going to write out another long, brilliant and witty recap? NOPE. I’m suffering from a particularly nasty flu and am laid up and feeling more than a little awful today. I’m amazed I’m even alive this morning, after how I felt last night. So what I’m going to do instead is point you two very good recaps of last night’s show. I’ll give you the short and dirty though: Laila and Joey reign at the top of the leaderboard while Billy Ray did so awfully I’m surprised they didn’t just kick him out after his first dance last night. Now excuse me, I need to lay on the couch and moan for a few hours.

Well, this is what I was afraid of. Oswald and Danny couldn’t struggle out of last place last night. I think that even if they had come in second, their “Marked for Elimination” would have seen them gone. I sort of enjoyed them after all. A heck of a lot more than Charla and Mirna or Eric and Danielle. And now, those two cursed teams will be racing for the million. See that? I just got a shiver of dread down my back. Dear God, if the BQ’s don’t win, I may have to throw in the towel on this one.

It was actually a pretty anti-climactic episode, for being so close to the end. The teams traveled to Guam which I don’t know if it should count as a foreign country since there are so many American military bases on it. And the teams spend most of their time on these military bases. But anyhow. The Detour has the teams choosing between taking part in a relief drop exercise or washing the plane. I probably would have chosen the relief drop like Charla and Mirna did, even though it did seem to go rather slowly. So that’s probably the only thing I have in common with them. Though I had to gag a little when they said they chose it because they like to help people. Gimme a break.

The Roadblock had one teammate using a GPS device to locate and rescue an injured soldier and then find the landing zone and call for a helicopter. Really, it looked pretty cool. But I could see that if you were technology challenged you might have difficult time. For those of you keeping track, yes, Charla did this one too. Does Mirna do ANY of the Roadblocks?? And Oswald does so badly, that he and Danny pretty much deserve getting eliminated, even though it pained me so. The BQ’s came in first, though, so there’s that at least.

God, I hope they win. Next week? The season finale. I think I will try to liveblog that one for my Monday column (don’t ask how a Sunday show will be my Monday post, it’ll hurt your head). So if you’re around InternetLand during the finale, come on by and see me cringe, LIVE!

The important information first: The lowest score (a 19) went to John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska who danced the mambo. It’s not that he’s that bad, but he’s not that good either. We’re getting down to the wire here and his performances, no matter how charming, just don’t measure up to Laila, Joey or Apolo. And the judges are letting him know that with his score. It’s either get better or get going. And I’m going to predict that John gets going this week. It’s time.

The best? That’s not so easily answered. Both Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough (dancing the rumba) and Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (dancing the cha cha) got 28’s. Of the two, I’d have to say that Apolo’s performance was my favorite. I truly think he’s the one to beat in this competition. I think he’s got enough of the audience’s love and talent to take it all the way. Laila is a fantastic dancer, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the contest came down to Joey and Apolo, simply because Joey’s numbers are always fun and he’s quite charming. But Laila does deserve some special recognition because she truly is doing a magnificent job. I just don’t think she’s got as much of the audience vote as she should have.

Unfortunately, Heather didn’t fall again. I’m going to hope against hope that she goes home this week, that the audience will punish her for missing practice, but I’m just not sure and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high. John is a safer bet, but if Heather went home I might start thinking today’s my birthday.

Is it over yet? Nope, not by a long shot. God, I miss Rob and Amber. This week, I continue to want to brutalize Mirna. My feelings are not unusual, people. My husband just last night said, (and I quote) “I just want to bash her face in.” My 70+ year old mother has a strong, STRONG dislike for her. NO ONE likes this woman. Which gets you thinking, how must it be to know that a majority of the world really doesn’t like you? That’d be rough. Doesn’t seem to make her want to start acting any more decently though. UGH. WHY is she and Charla racing so well?? I want them GONE. Bah. Charla, to set the record straight, is a perfectly fine human being. I have no issue with Charla. It’s MIRNA who is the DEVIL.

Ahem. This week continues the race in China but involves some breathtaking scenery and a VERY breathtaking Roadblock where one team member has to jump the highest jump in the world. Basically it’s a HUGE building and they jump off it. Sweet. Mirna, once again, makes Charla do it and she does a very admirable job. Go Charla! But first, there’s a Yield. Dun dun DUUUNNN! Danny and Oswald are in first place and have no plans of using it. However… they are low on cash. So while waiting for the building to open, they ask the BQ’s for money in return for not yielding them. Sounds fair, right? For some reason, they push the envelope further and offer to yield someone of the BQ’s choosing while they’re at it. How can the girls NOT take them up on this? For a measly $45, they ask the boys to yield Eric and Danielle. Why them again? The BQ’s did the sensible thing and asked themselves if they’d rather race against them or Charla and Mirna in the final three. Honestly, I would have made the same choice. But, whatever. The boys should have asked for more $, but they didn’t. Charla and Mirna show up and the boys proceed to bitch to them about selling their souls to the BQ’s. Mirna chides them that she would have given them the money without asking for anything in return. Whatever. The BQ’s didn’t come up with this plan, the boys did so I don’t feel too sorry for them.

Anyhow, that’s the yield drama. Eric and Danielle get yielded and the BQ’s sail to first place and remain there for pretty much the rest of the episode. The boys complain about bad yield karma the rest of the leg but they really do poorly for no other reason than themselves. They just made bad decisions. The BQ’s make it to the pit stop in first place, well deserved on this leg. It’s just plain SAD that they’re my favorites this go around. Shows what a poor selection we have to chose from. Eric and Danielle (surprisingly) make it there in second place. But since they were marked for elimination, they have to wait 30 minutes to check in. During that time, Charla and Mirna show up and check in. GRR. I swear, if I’m left with the BQ’s, Charla and Mirna and Eric and Danielle as the final three I’ll be plenty upset. It looks as if that’ll be what happens too, when Danny and Oswald (who got lost on their Detour) fail to check in before Eric and Danielle’s 30 minutes are up. But then… it’s ANOTHER NON-ELIMINATION leg. I can’t take much more of this, people. But, it seems as if I have two more weeks to take. Dear god.

If Charla and Mirna win the race, I’m gonna pitch the mother of all hissy fits.