Watching Reality TV

A lot of things came to an end on “Pirate Master” last night (other than the show itself which might end up happening sooner rather than later if the ratings don’t improve). One of those things was Joe Don’s rule as captain. The “red crew” found their treasure chest before the “black crew” (though admittedly it was neck and neck) and as a result, the “red crew” was allowed to pick a captain to replace the former tyrant. One had to wonder if Alexis didn’t sabotage the treasure hunt as she seemed to be deliberately slowing the “black crew” down. Maybe, just maybe, she was sick of Joe Don as captain? Weren’t we all? Anyhow, the “red crew” selected the dreadlocked Azmyth as their captain and he chose Jupiter and Jay as his officers.

Another thing that came to an end last night was the continuation of booting out men and keeping the women.  Azmyth gave the black spot to Alexis, Laurel and former officer Cheryl.  Cheryl wasn’t the least bit worried and Laurel seemed more confused than anything else.  Highlights from the Pirate’s Court include host Cameron calling Azmyth out on his faux accent.  He admits that the crew seemed to be enjoying it. Ha! For some reason, Jay was given the floor after Azmyth and he sorta went off on Cheryl which I had to wonder if it was wise at the time.  Because unless he was SURE she was going home, his words could come back to bite him in a big way.  Indeed, it comes down to a 4-4 tie between Cheryl and Alexis.  How is the tie broken? Why, let the captain chose, of course!  And he choses Alexis so she takes her sour puss out to sea on her Raft of Doom.  (I still am missing the plank)  I imagine Jay might be regretting overplaying his hand a touch, don’t you?

There’s a little bit of everything today, so let’s get started:

• Notice the super-cool, completely professional (snort) looking masthead up top!  451Press has now implemented the option to use customized mastheads for the blogs and I think it’s a fabulous idea.  Expect that this one will change periodically as my mood strikes.  Do you like it?
• Remember when I mentioned that “On the Lot”’s ratings were up last week after having an abysmal rating of 2.9 million viewers the week before?  Well this week, they were back to 2.9 million viewers again.  Variety even reported that “On the Lot” was dragging down ratings for “House” which airs directly afterwards but still has about double the viewers the reality show has.  OUCH.  So does anyone want to take bets for how long until this show is finally pulled from the lineup?
• Expect to see Jennie Garth from “Beverly Hills 90210″ fame to join “Dancing with the Stars 5″ this fall.  Apparently former co-star Ian Ziering was able to talk her into it.  Also, it’s rumored that Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown will be joining the cast as well.
• If you were wondering, the contestants on CBS’s “Pirate Master” aren’t responsible for keeping the boat afloat.  Apparently the ship runs with a “ghost crew” that works things behind the scenes.  Of course!  I pretty much figured as much.
• Frankie Abernathy, a former cast member of MTV’s Real World: San Diego, died over the weekend from cystic fibrosis.  Frankie left the show midseason after much drama that is ever-present on the MTV reality show.
• Donald Trump apparently hasn’t gotten the hint and is developing another reality show, this time for FOX.  He’s pimping a “Lady or a Tramp” style show where women are sent to “charm school” in order to learn how to be proper ladies.  Riiiiight.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, ya’ll.  The world is chock full of reality news today.   But that’s the juiciest of the juicy.  Enjoy your Thursday!

So I went into this episode last night with an open mind and hoping for a good show.  About 15 minutes into it, I found my eyes starting to cross.  I want to like this show.  It has slick production values, an enigmatic host, scantily clad and attractive contestants and authentic feeling challenges.  So what is missing?  I think the larger problem here is that we’ve seen this show before.  We’ve seen a lot of these reality shows before.  There’s only so much new ground to cover and it would appear this is ground we’ve been over.  Again.  And again.  The producers tried hard with this show to make it look like something new and exciting but you can’t help but think, “This is Survivor on a boat!”  There are some notable differences, of course.  Simple luxuries and the inclusion of money and captains and mutiny to sweeten the pot.  But it’s still “Survivor”.

That said, guys out there should be tuning into this show in droves while it’s still on the air (see how I sort of expect it to get canned any minute now?) because there are some excellent babe watching opportunities here.  There’s all these girls wearing little more than a bra running around the jungle.  I swear, I about went blind myself last night.  One gal had to have her chest pixilated out, I can only assume she had a wardrobe malfunction.

So what happened last night?  I wish I knew.  All I know is that Joe Don is still the captain and they sent Christian home.  That made absolutely no sense to me.  Why not Joy who suffered such awful seasickness last week and who injured her knee this week?  Or Kendra who couldn’t swim from the boat to shore to save her life and drastically slowed down her crew.  I guess Christian was a threat, but to who?  The captain maybe, since he was all for mutiny.  It was a bummer to see him go.  And an even bigger bummer to see they still aren’t making these people walk the plank.  That’s a fantastic opportunity there, CBS, and you’ve totally dropped the ball.

There’s just no getting around the comparisons. Both air on CBS. Both are masterminded by Mark Burnett. Both involve wicked mind games, a “tribal council” of sorts, intricate challenges all the way down to very similarly styled graphics. But “Pirate Master” has something that “Survivor” doesn’t: my interest. We have your typical large mob of contestants that you always see at the start of a reality show. It’s hard to differentiate between them all, save for a few notable exceptions. Those people are: Cheryl, a 35 year old district attorney from Sparks, NV (hey, neighbor!), Christian, a 45 year old former football player from Rancho Cucamonga, CA who was born in Nigeria and is known to be the “Nigerian Nightmare” (sweet!), Joy, a 21 year old receptionist from West Columbia, SC who is unfortunate enough to get a black mark AND suffer horrible seasickness (you’d think that’d make you think twice about signing up for a pirate show, but whatever), John, a 25 year old scientist/exotic dancer (yes, that’s not a typo) from Carlisle, MA who really pushes the envelope of creepy when he mistakenly assumes he’s Captain Jack Sparrow’s clone, and Louie, a 43 year old marina owner from Fishing Creek, MD and who also looks almost EXACTLY like “Survivor’s” Rupert. So much so that I have to do double takes all episode long. It’s really eerie.

At any rate, let me give you a quick rundown of the episode: The contestants board a completely wicked awesome looking pirate ship called the Picton Castle, where Aussie Cameron Daddo is our Jeff Probst.  The pirates temporarily split up into crews, the Red Crew and Black Crew and their challenge is to go find some treasure.  The challenge is very intricately set-up, a Mark Burnett trademark.  The Black Crew makes it to the “Sabotage” section first and sets up a blockade for the Red Crew, who is hot on their heels.  So they make it to the treasure first.  Back on board the boat, they find that the chest includes $40,000 worth of gold.  The pirates then nearly unanimously select Joe Don (from Alaska!) as their Captain, only to find out he gets half the gold to do with as he pleases.  GAH!  The only person who didn’t vote for Joe Don (and who really, really wanted to be Captain himself, darnit!) was John.  And he’s pretty ticked off.  Louie isn’t too happy either, and proceeds to belly ache.  There’s some talk of mutiny (where everyone unanimously votes to mutiny against the captain and he gets sent packing) but that is quashed when Joe Don gives Louie a Black Mark.  A Black Mark selects someone for elimination, ultimately.  Also selected is John (duh) and Joy (simply as a pawn).  John thinks he’s going to be clever and steals the compasses.  Yep, all of them.  So when everyone goes to “Pirate’s Court” where each selected crewmember has the opportunity to speak their piece.  And, predictably, John continues to be a tool.  He reveals that he stole the compasses and that if he’s “set adrift”, he’ll take them with him.  Joe Don isn’t concerned, he explains how he can tell north from south without a compass.  John calls his bluff in a fantastic moment and asks him to find north.  Being it’s a rather cloudy night, Joe Don admits he would be better able to tell in the daytime.  John looks smugly satisfied.  That’s why it was hilarious when it was revealed that the votes UNANIMOUSLY ousted John.  He looked like he’d been shocked with a cattle prod.  He honestly expected everyone to keep him after his little stunt and I thought that was marvelous.  Joe Don sets John adrift on a dinky raft (but I thought it would have been MUCH better had he been forced to walk the plank, HA!) and that, as they say, is that.

All in all, I liked it.  I’m interested to see what happens next week.  Yes, it’s almost exactly like “Survivor”, but it works.  If you happened to catch it last night, what did you think?

FOX’s “On the Lot” was easily the most anticipated new reality show of the summer.  Now that it’s begun, a lot of people are left feeling disappointed.  So, it’s time at last for the second most anticipated new reality show to premiere.  I’m talking about CBS’s “Pirate Master”, which debuts tonight at 8pm.  Also auspicious?  It was seven years ago tonight that CBS debuted that little show we call “Survivor”.  That has got to be some good reality karma, you think?  The premise of the show is:

“16 modern-day pirates as they embark on a high seas adventure around the Caribbean island of Dominica in search of hidden treasure that will total $1 million,� according to CBS. They “will live aboard a massive 179-foot pirate ship� and “will go on extraordinary expeditions and decipher clues along the way,� winning “[g]old coins — real money that the pirates can take with them beyond the show.�

It may not be a hit, but it sure sounds like a lot of fun to watch.   It’s got to be more fun than “On the Lot” has been.  The American public deserves some harmless, interesting and totally absorbing fun, don’t you think?  And what can be more fun than a bunch of people running around pretending to be pirates?  I ask you!  I know I’ll be tuning in, how about you?