Watching Reality TV

You remember last weeks show, right?  I don’t have to remind you, do I?  In case you do, the “Biggest Loser” campus is shutting down this week.  I don’t think this is as dramatic as they’re trying to get us to believe, but whatever.

I’m still all upset about Patty going home.  I don’t think that was the best move for the blue team.  But who cares, I’m all for black team anyhow.

So where is everyone going to go this week?  Jamaica.  See?  I knew this wasn’t a bad thing.  Gee, going to a resort for a week.  I wish someone would send ME to Jamaica for a week.  Of course, the trainers are going along so it’s sure not to be all fun and games.  And I’m sure there’ll be temptations galore.  So they’re staying at the Grand Lido Spa and Resort (no product placement there at ALL).  Jillian is adamant about this not being a vacation.  She’s scary, isn’t she?  Uh oh, Bryan is missing from the red team.  Turns out, he had a chest pain and is currently at the hospital getting tests.   Scary stuff indeed!

As predicted, the food is outrageous.  Theres some easy BAD choices to be made, and Jillian drills her team on how to make the right choices.  How to look for the good food amid the bad.  Jillian butted heads with Jez and the rest of the team about drinking.  She doesn’t want them to have ANY alcohol, she wants them to show some discipline.  I see her point.  Yeah, they’re on “vacation” but it’s not a good reason to let diets go to heck.

Kim tells her team they should do their working out first thing in the morning when on vacation so that you’re not tempted to duck out of working out later on in the day.  She works them hard in the pool.  Their team looks pretty small without Bryan there.  Meanwhile, Bob takes him team to do some yoga near the shore.  Over on the beach, Jillian is running an army style drill on her team, having them do their workout in the sand.  The black team felt pretty poor that they had to deal with the sand (again) while the blues do yoga and the reds are in the pool.

Allison gathers the teams for the challenge.  It’s another strength and endurance sort of challenge and it’s a guess as to which team will come out on top.  The winning team will get some spa treatment massages while the other teams go work out some more.  And guess who made it to Jamaica?  Bryan!  He’s back, baby.  It was just stress in his chest, not a heart problem so he’s cleared to get back to work.  Ultimately, the black team won the challenge, fairly easily.  Massages for all!

Before they get their massages, however, Jillian has her team work out (hard) in the pool.  It’s not as easy as they were hoping it’d be either.  Kim leads her team on their last chance workout (as evidenced by her camouflage shorts).   Bob does the same with his blue team.  So while the other teams are being yelled at and beat into submission, the blacks are getting rubbed down and getting to hear the other teams getting whipped.  Heh.  Still, I’d worry the other teams would have a leg up at the weigh in, wouldn’t you?

So we’re back on campus and at the weigh in.  Jillian brings up the issue of the alcohol and how she didn’t think this was a vacation.   She’s worried that she wants it more than her team does.  Bob thinks in the “real world” it’s okay to have a drink or two, but in this game, he wasn’t letting his team drink either.  Kim, however, didn’t think alcohol was that big a deal and let her team indulge.  Jillian was disgusted with this attitude.

Black team is up first, Isabeau hits the scales first and loses 8 pounds.  Bill goes up and loses 6 pounds, which isn’t as much as he was hoping.  Jez goes to the scale and he lost 6 pounds as well.  Julie goes up and she lost 4 pounds.  She’s so happy to be finally under 200.  Jim hits the scale and he lost 7 pounds.  Hollie is up last and she brings in 8 pounds.  The girls did pretty well on the black team, didn’t they?  That’s a total of 39 pounds and 2.41% loss.

Red teams turn is next.  David admits to having a drink on vacation and hits the scale.  He lost 9 pounds which is surprising.  Bryan is up and despite his trip to the hospital he lost 11 pounds.  Amy is up next and she lost 10 pounds which is amazing!  Phil is last on the scale and he lost 12 pounds.  That brings the red teams total to 42 pounds and 3.25% loss.

Blue team goes last and Ryan hits the scale first, losing 10 pounds.  Nicole goes next and she lost 6 pounds.  She’s very happy with that.  Kae is up at the scale and she lost 7 pounds while in Jamaica.  The black team looks worried.  Neil goes last and he lost 10 pounds!  That makes the blue team’s total 33 pounds and 2.83% loss.

That means the black team has lost the weigh in and will have to go to the elimination room.  Hollie was the biggest loser on the black team so she’s safe.  Jillian is pretty disappointed.  The rest of the team is pretty surprised by Jillian’s reaction, I guess they weren’t aware of how much she cares about how they do.  So who is the target?  The women want a girl to win “The Biggest Loser” so that means voting out a guy.  Hollie thinks the twins are the biggest threat.  She sees this as a good opportunity to break them up.  What does Jez think?  He’s not sure.  It may go to a tie.

So we’re at the elimination and everyone marches in bearing their trays.  We discover that Bill and Jim’s birthday is tomorrow.  Bill votes for Isabeau.  Isabeau votes for Jim.  Jim votes for Isabeau.  Hollie votes for Jim.  Julie votes for Jim.  And who did Jez vote for? Will it be a tie? Never fear, Jez voted for Jim as well.  Bye, Jim.  Sucky birthday present but there you have it.  Jim is disappointed, but matter of fact about it.  I’m interested to see how he’s done in the meantime.  He says goodbye to everyone and leaves and there is nary a dry eye in the house.

Since leaving the campus, Jim has lost an AMAZING 69 pounds bringing his total weight loss to 123 pounds.  He doesn’t even look like the same guy anymore.  Simply incredible.

Remember last week?  How bad Wayne sucked?  And then Albert was the one voted out?  Yeah, that sorta sucked.  So we’ll see how bad Wayne is tonight and if his fans can honestly bring themselves to vote for him yet again.

Oh geeze.  Wayne has a ’stache this week.  AND A PONYTAIL.  Save me.  Good to see Jane back, though what’s with her HAIR?  That better be a wig.   What’s with the hair??  Are these people on dope?

Sabrina and Mark are up first this week, dancing the jive.  So I’m pretty sure Sabrina is gonna mop up the floor with it.  We get started with some impressive gymnastics from Mark and the dance as a whole is cute and fun to watch.  As usual.  It’s a fantastic dance, just nothing bad to say about it.  Of course, I’m not a judge.  Len didn’t like some of the strange, modern moves but he liked it over all, called it their best dance so far.  Bruno is enthusiastic in his response, of course, and loved it.  Carrie Ann thought the dance completely suited her.  Scores?  9, 9 and 9 for a total of 27.  Great score.

Cameron and Edyta are up next, dancing the Tango.  Hmm!  He promises that this will be his dance.  He comes to the floor literally looking like Clark Kent, glasses and all.  As for the dance, I’m literally distracted by Edyta.  She’s just stunning and I mean that.  And I’m a GIRL, so you know the men have to love it.  But I think he did pretty good.  It was fun to watch.  Carrie Ann says she’s surprised, she didn’t think it wasn’t too passionate.  But she liked it otherwise.  Len thought it lacked the tango character.  Bruno, who can’t help but interrupt, thought it was fabulous.   Scores?  8, 7 and 8 for a total of 23 which is pretty nice.  I hope they return next week.

Mark and Kym take the dance floor, dancing the jive.  Apparently, the jive hurts Mark.  To me this says that we’ll see another wooden Mark this week.  It certainly doesn’t compare to Sabrina’s jive, but it’s not so bad.  I just don’t find him charismatic at all.  But yeah, I think he’s pretty stiff for a dance that requires some looseness.   Bruno thought he was dancing better, but needs to be lighter.  Carrie Ann thinks he needs to not dance as much with this face (ha!).  Len thought the choreography was good but that the timing was poor.  Scores?  6, 7, and 7 for a total of 20.  Appropriate.

Jennie and Derek are up dancing the tango, trying to recover from last week’s quick step fall fiasco.  Jennie is very hard on herself about it and Derek is hoping to move her past that.  It’s definitely an angry dance, I’ll give it that.  I don’t know if it’s passionate.  I think I may have liked Cameron’s tango better.  But really, she does a very good job.  Len thought it was sharp and tangy like a pickle.  Carrie Ann gives Jennie a high five and thought it was very well done.  Bruno called it the call back of the season.  So shows what I know.  Scores? 9, 8 and 9 for a total of 26.  Wow.  Wasn’t expecting that.

Mel B and Maksim are up with the jive.  It’s pretty good, actually.  I think this dance plays to a lot of Mel’s strengths.  She’s able to incorporate a lot of her natural athleticism (and that’s not a joke about Sporty Spice, believe it or not) (anyhow, Mel was Scary Spice, not Sporty Spice) (why was she Scary Spice anyhow?  She’s not scary at all!).  Bruno says she was excitement on legs.  Len says the B is for “bounce” and it was her best dance.  Carrie Ann agrees with the other guys.  Scores?  9, 9 and 9 for 27 and a tie with Sabrina and Mark.

Wayne and Cheryl are next doing the tango.  Wayne came close to getting cut (WHY wasn’t he cut??  Damn yous!) and it humbled him (something has to).  Wayne sees a lot of the cowboy in the tango.  I’m going WHAT?  They’re dancing to traditional tango music, so there’s that.  Wayne pretty much looks like a coat rack next to Cheryl.  It’s bad, ya’ll.  Just take my word for it.  He HAS to be gone this week.  Carrie Ann loves his look (what??), but thought Cheryl was leading him a lot (ya think?).  Bruno thinks Wayne has to take over.  Len thought the dance disappeared.  Scores?  6, 6, and 6 for a total of 18.  I think that’s kind, considering.

Floyd and Karina dance next doing the jive.  He’s determined to act more like a dancer than a boxer and even has a riff on that in the beginning with a jump rope.  I think he does great, to be honest.  It’s fun, bouncy and sexy all at once.  The man is definitely good on his feet, I’ll give him that.  Len says it was fun and energetic.  Carrie Ann thought it needed more structure.  Bruno thought he had a ton of potential and that needs to apply it.  Scores?  7, 7 and 7 for a total of 21.  Fair.

Jane and Tony are next with a saucy tango.  We hear and see Jane’s reaction to learning about her mother’s death after the last performance show.  She used the passion from her feelings about her mother and channeled them into her tango.  The dance is dedicated to her.  You go Jane!  As for the dance?  It was very deliberate and very structured and very well done.  Bruno says her dance was worthy of a silent movie queen.  Len says it could have been on pay per view (eh?).  Carrie Ann says she witness a very special moment (near tears, even!).  Scores?  9, 9 and 9 for a total of 27.  Very good show.

Helio and Julianne are next with a jive and hopes are high that he’ll do well yet again.  He hurt his ankle trying to do a jump, so hopefully that won’t cause too many troubles.  The dance is pretty good, I thought.  I mean, they seem to hit all the moves and Helio had charm and charisma as always.  Carrie Ann thought his fun was contagious.  Bruno didn’t think tonight that he was quite “on it” tonight.  Len thought he gave a good performance.   Scores?  8, 8, and 8 for a total of 24.  A decent score, but not at the top of the pack as they usually are.

Lastly we have Marie and Jonathon dancing the tango.  They have a lot to live up to after last week’s fabulous dance.  Jonathon tells Marie she’s the queen of drama, which causes my eyebrow to raise just a hair.  If I have one complaint about Marie’s look so far this season it’s that she looks excessively matronly.  Their tango, however, is pretty decent.  Marie does it well, the acting portion of the dance.  Her disinterest is charming.  They have a splashy finish too, which helps.   Len says it was absolutely elegant.  Carrie Ann says it worked completely.  Bruno says she’s the mistress of characters, absolutely right.  Scores?  9, 8 and 9 for a total of 26.  Very good.

Wow, we had some good scores tonight!  But I think it’s obvious who needs to go.  BYE WAYNE!

While there aren’t any shows of note on Sunday nights to talk about Monday morning, I’m going to be doing a feature called the “Monday Reality TV Roundup”.  It’s been a long (long) time since I’ve done a roundup of reality TV news, so I figure it’s past due to go over a few things.  After you’re done here, you can consider yourself sufficiently armed with what’s going on in the world of reality TV.

• I haven’t talked a lot about So You Think You Can Dance on this blog.  Mostly because I’ve never watched it.  But that doesn’t mean there isn’t reality TV news associated with the show.  Buddy TV recently scored a mean interview (and a super cool photo) with some of the top dancers from the national tour.  They were asked about their favorite dances, what it’s like to be on tour (girls in one bus, boys in another!), and what they see in the stars after the tour is over.
• Remember what a pain Johnny “Fairplay” was on Survivor that one season (please don’t make me look it up)?  Apparently, Danny Bonaduce thinks he’s a big douce too, because at the FOX Reality Channel awards last week, there was an incident where Johnny was attempting to dry hump Bonaduce’s face (seriously), and Danny threw him over his shoulder.  The DA’s office decided not to press charges of assault against Bonaduce, as he was clearly acting in self-defense.  WOW.  How did I miss that?
• Did you know that reality TV show producers aren’t legally bound to stop a crime that is in the works?  This is why we’re able to enjoy footage of drunk drivers out of control or contestants beat the stuffing out of each other.  This is because producers are considered to be normal people and the US doesn’t have any law requiring anyone to prevent a crime they see happening.  (Doesn’t this make you think of that “Seinfeld” finale episode?)  It all comes down to a moral dilemma, not a legal one.  That is, unless, the producers created the situation the crime is taking place in.  Such as that nasty moment in “Big Brother 2″ where Justin held a knife to Crista’s throat and she sued CBS.  Ahh, good times.

First off, we gotta start with the recaps (as if we could forget last week!):

• Watching Survivor
• MSNBC
• CBS.com
• TV Squad
• Buddy TV

The show goes through it’s own little mini-recap and I’m reminded how messed up some of the episode was, especially where the yellow tribe was concerned.  And Ashley went bubye.  One of them HAD to go cuz it was ategetting ugly.

Now?  Over at the red tribe Jean Robert is snoring.  And snuggling up to the women.  And the women don’t like it.  He strikes me of kind of an ass.  Leslie backs up my assumptions by assuring the camera that if they ever go to tribal council, he’ll be the one booted.  Is that a promise?  That also sounded dangerously like foreshadowing to me.  Lord knows the yellow tribe could use a break.

The next morning the red tribe is fishing with their handy new gear.  Then they argue about how to cook the crab (one) they caught.  James is frustrated with everyone and he’s not the only one.  Meanwhile, over on the yellow tribe, Dave is hard at work.  And, like James, he’s frustrated.  Did they vote out the wrong tribe member?  Hmm!

Reward challenge time! And guess what, it’s physical!  The reward is comfort.  Lanterns, tarps, pillows, blankets… good stuff to have.  Courtney and Todd sit out while everyone else gets to work.  The yellow tribe (women vs women) wins the first “heat”.  This is another “barely clothed” challenge and Dave takes it to heart, stripping off his underwear and being all naked-like.  James meanwhile kicks ass and takes names.  Red team wins that one.  Back to women on women and this time it’s pretty much a free for all.  Brutal is the word.  Yellow tribe wins another point.  We have the men again, Dave tries to taunt James but that’s a poor move cuz James just makes quick work of him.  Once again, James is the last man standing and wins another point for red.  The women do it dogpile style and the yellow tribe wins another point (the red women just couldn’t hack it).  They steal Leslie (as per last week’s twist) and she’s given her secret clue thingie.

The yellow tribe is thrilled with their creature comforts (the women are particularly pleased with the pillows).  Leslie is impressed with the yellow tribe and their spirit.  She confirms that they are indeed a happier tribe than the red tribe.   Meanwhile, James and John Robert strategize right in front of Todd and Courtney (unknowingly of course), even mentioning wanting to vote out Courtney before anyone else.  Dudes, she CAN HEAR YOU.  The discussion starts to include Courtney’s ass (all 70 pounds of it) and whether James wants it or not.  OY.  This will not end well.

Leslie choses Jaime to share her clue with (this sounds familiar).  And once again, the clue goes entirely over her head (literally).

At the immunity challenge, Leslie rejoins her tribe.  Again, the challenge is a little physical and a little mental as with last week.  I’m not going to go into a play by play here.  The important thing to know is that yellow attacks with a vengeance and pretty much just creams the red tribe.  And a lot of it is due to Courtney and WHO thought it was wise to have her do the physical part first off?  Anyhow, yellow wins immunity for the first time, leaving red pretty humiliated.  It looks like Courtney is pretty vulnerable.  I wouldn’t discount Todd’s influence though.

Red tribe is in strategy mode now.  Leslie plays up the Christian aspect in explaining why the yellow tribe were such a great bunch of people.  And everyone else starts to get annoyed with her, since she seems untrustworthy.  Todd and Co. want to get Jean Robert out because he and James need to be split up.  Aaron doesn’t want to vote out Jean Robert out, however, he thinks they need him for challenges.  Leslie, maybe, is a better choice.  Todd is worried that he’ll eventually be competing against a bunch of muscle bound fellows and he knows they’d flatten him.  It would appear to me to that he is the only one who has his whole head in the game at this point.  At least he’s thinking ahead.

So we get to tribal council, where Jeff instructs them on the finer points of tribal council since this is their first visit.  The “therapy session” goes well and as is usual, doesn’t reveal too much.  At least, nothing we didn’t know before.  Courtney doesn’t like Jean Robert calling her weak and he tries to backpedal but Jeff calls him on it.   Ultimately, the vote is between Jean Robert and Leslie and Leslie is the one sent packing.  I can’t say I’m too disappointed, but it would have been nice to see Jean Robert go bye bye.  C’est la vie.

Believe me, ya’ll, I’m as surprised as you are.  And apparently as surprised as he is too.  I’m sorry I didn’t recap Tuesday night’s elimination episode, but my DVR was a busy machine that night and an hour of fluff was the first thing to go by the wayside.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that Albert had been the one booted, and not Wayne (or even Mark!).

If you’ll recall from Monday night’s episode,  both Wayne and Mark did dismally with the judges while Albert was somewhere in the pack of 21-scored competitors.  He wasn’t great on Monday, but he wasn’t awful either.  And he had charisma.  So what’s the dealio?  Why Albert?

I’m guessing the votes just didn’t come in for him, which is a shame.  I knew Wayne’s fan base might be formidable, which is why I considered Mark a backup for elimination.   I guess if anything, this shows why you should never assume anything with this show and if you care at all, you need to get your votes in on time.

In other news from Tuesday night’s show, Jane Seymour wasn’t in attendance, as she was flying to England to attend her mother’s funeral.  Her mother had passed away the day before (I think?).  Jane plans to continue on with the show, since it was her mother’s wish that she compete in the show at all (she was a big fan of the British version).  I’m not sure how Jane will be getting her practice in this week with the traveling, but considering she wants to dedicate her performance to her mother, I’m sure she’ll be working hard.

Also, to the surprise of none, Helio and Sabrina are the top two competitors in this show and they are the ones to beat.  It’s entirely expected that they’ll be the final two.  Honestly, I’d be surprised if that wasn’t the case.

Welcome to another installment of “The Biggest Loser”!  We’ve got your recaps right here:

• Buddy TV
• NBC.com
• Television without Pity

So we’re not a 2 hour show again, thank goodness.  But we are an hour and a half.  Sheesh.  Want to know what happened last week?  Check here.   We start off right away with another temptation.  It’s… cupcakes.  It’s for the trainers, not the contestants.  Very interesting.  One cupcake gives a 15 second advantage at the next challenge.  But which cupcake is the right one?  It’s apparently Trainer Week, and the trainers (besides being tempted) will be competing in the challenge as well.  Bob looks tempted.  His “thing”, apparently, is cupcakes.  Ultimately, he passes.  No easy way out, these guys are going to win by hard work alone.  Good job.

What are they doing now?  Eating at subway!  Wee!  Bob helps the blue team make the right choices at Subway and how they can eat good food and not bust their diets.  Smart!  Mmm, Subway.  All three teams hike to the top of a mountain where they meet Allison yet again.   The challenge? Running down the mountain and back up again.  They “bid” on how fast they think they can do it, trying to knock out another team by busting their “bid”.  Blue team challenges the black team to get the flag in 5:30 minutes, but red thinks they can do it in 5:29.  Black team says they can do 5:28 but then red says they can do it in 5:27.  They are DETERMINED.  Black says, 5:25.  It’s ON.  Red team tells them to go for it.  Hollie wiped out, but Jillian brushes her off and they’re back on the run.  They have three minutes to get back up the hill.  I’m doubting here.  They can’t do it.  They were SO close.  Hollie was just glad she finished, but I think she could have punched it more than she did.

Now it’s down to red and blue.  Blue challenges red to get it in 5:55.  They can do that, shoot, black almost had it at 5:25, they were seconds away.  But then, this is no black team.  But!  They do it.  Fourth challenge in a row that they’ve won.  Not too shabby.  I’m bummed the black team didn’t win. I’m sort of rooting for them.  The red team has won a major advantage at the weigh in, but they won’t find out until the weigh in.  Blue, meanwhile, feels bad they didn’t even try to win the challenge.

Bob takes the blue team to an actual 24 Hour Fitness gym.  Bob is very disappointed that they didn’t try the challenge.  Bob wanted to remove them from the campus and do a spin class with them.  He worked them HARD.  He’s wanting them to focus and they’re getting it done!  Patty breaks down as Bob tries to get her to tell him that she’s worth it.  It’s an awesome moment (among many; this show just rocks).   We see the blue and red teams back on campus fixing some lunch and making some healthy choices.  And they seem happy about it too.  Good!

Kim brings her team their “goal shirts”.  Jillian does the same.  The goals are awesome.  Makes me wonder what my goal would be.  The black team tries on some of their old clothes, or other people’s clothes.  It’s encouraging like nothing else.  Jillian is floored and very excited for her team.  Meanwhile, Bob is handing out his goal shirts.  It’s a cool segment all around.  Bob wants his team to focus on the weigh in, and not to forget that the red team has some sort of prize or advantage.

We’re at the last chance workout here and the teams are working HARD.  Watching this show from the comfort of my recliner always makes me feel pretty lazy and worthless, you know?  Here’s these people who are working harder than they ever have in their lives and I’m contemplating ice cream for desert  (or is it “dessert”?  I never know and spell check is no help).

So we’re down to the weigh in.  What did the red team win?  IMMUNITY.  Duuuuuude.  No one is going home, no matter what the weigh in says.  That’s a pretty sweet reward.  And it’s a good thing because their numbers were bad.  David and Amy lost only 1 pound each.  Bryan and Phil didn’t do so great either.  A total loss of 9 pounds for the team.  Definitely makes it feel like they’re “cheating” their way through the game, having immunity.  But, oh well.

On the black team, Hollie lost 3 pounds and was pretty upset.  Jez lost 8 pounds, which is pretty good considering everyone else’s numbers.  Jim lost 11 pounds for the second week in a row.  Go Jim!  Isabeau (love her name), lost 8 pounds, a number she actually had in her head before the weigh in.  Bill lost an amazing 13 pounds causing the rest of his team to gasp.  Julie lost 7 pounds (these women are kicking butt here).  The black team lost a total of 50 pounds.  That’s a 3% loss.  AWESOME.

The blue team had their work cut out for them.  Neil is first and he lost an awesome 11 pounds.  Kae goes up and has lost 6 pounds, a very good number.  Nicole goes up and has lost 4 pounds (which is starting to look like a small number).  Patty is next and she lost 5 pounds.  That puts a lot of responsibility on Ryan’s shoulders, who is up next.  He lost a mere 6 pounds.  Not enough to save the blue team from losing the weigh in, unfortunately.  that’s 32 pounds total.  They lost a lot more than the red team, but the red team was given a break.  BOO!  Hiss!  Bob is upset, as he should rightly be.  Kae is her team’s the biggest loser, so she’s immune from being eliminated.

The blue team debates who to vote out.  They want to let it go to a tie so the rest of the house can decide who goes and Bob tries to talk them out of that.  He doesn’t want them putting their fate in someone else’s hands.  Thing is, this is blue’s MO this week.  The easy way out, having other people do the work.  They need to step up.  So at elimination, who will it be?  Did they decide on anyone?  Kae votes Neil, Patty votes Nicole.  Neil votes for Patty and then Nicole votes for Patty as well and then Ryan votes for Patty.  Dang.  I’m sad to see Patty go, I think she had great potential in this show/game.  I’m interested to see her transformation since the show was filmed.

All of the sudden, the rest of the teams are brought into the room.  Allison tells them The Biggest Loser campus is going to be shut down for the next week.  What does this mean?  We don’t get to know.  TO BE CONTINUED.  Assholes.

And Patty?  Since the show, she lost 36 pounds (and counting).  She’s looking good.  She has a ways to go, and she plans to get there.  I’m glad for her.  I want her to keep it up.  She lost a total of 61 pounds (to date).  Go Patty!

So we’re having stars going head to head tonight, and thank goodness because I don’t think my DVR could take it if we had separate performance nights again this week.  Before I get ahead of myself… recaps!

• TV Squad
• Buddy TV
• Television without Pity
• MSNBC

Now, onto the goodies.  Last week we lost Josie.  Aww.  At least Marie’s dress is better this week.  We’ll see if her dancing is too (I doubt it).  Also: Could Kym be wearing any less fabric?  Kinda digging the risque nature of Jane Seymour’s dress though (top half, not bottom, bottom is sort of a trainwreck).  Man, I say if you’ve got it, you flaunt it girl!

We start right off with Mel B and Maksim doing the quick step.  She and Maks have good rapport.  There’s chemistry there, because I’m not entirely sure they even like each other.  Or maybe this is just how they work together.  Anyhow, this is a more classically ballroom style dance so we’ll see.  Her dress is understated, the music is strange (Aha? Really?)  But you know, I thought she did pretty good.  It was kind of fun to watch.  She looks like she’s having fun.  The judges really seemed to like it too, so I guess I’m not just seeing things.  (Does Marilyn actually know what she’s talking about??)  The scores?  7, 8 and 8 for a total of 23.

Next up: Mark and Kym (in her skimpy dress).  They’re doing the mambo.  Once I stop being distracted by her dress (was that the idea?) I notice that Mark is lax at best.  I mean, she’s doing an excellent job, but he seems lackluster.  He’s trying to keep it exciting, bless him, but it’s just not working.  I don’t really see him moving a whole lot, you know?  What do the judges say?  They try to be diplomatic, but basically, he sucked.  All the judges praised his obvious hard work, but it just wasn’t enough.  “It was like watching a bulldog chasing a squirrel.”  Indeed!  The scores?   6, 6, and 6 for a total of 18.  Deserved.

We’re back from commercial with Wayne and Cheryl doing the quick step. Cheryl’s costume is nothing less than ACK.  The song?  Viva Las Vegas.  Oh yes.  My verdict: NO.  Just… no.  He’s very stiff.  He’s got charm, I’ll give him that.  You want him to do well.  But… no.  Do the judges agree with me?  Pretty much.  I feel vindicated.   Scores? 5, 5, and 5.  YOW.  That’s a 15.  Deserved.

To round out the heinous dancers, we have Marie and Jonathon doing the mambo.   I’m cringing ahead of time here.   Like I said, Marie’s dress is better.  How’s the dancing this week?  MUCH BETTER.  Especially considering she’s coming after Wayne Newton here.  I mean, it’s not show stopping, but it’s decent.  Donny is cheering is fool head off in the audience.  (And I couldn’t get over the music being the same music from the intro to the movie “Office Space”.  You know, where they’re stuck in traffic?)  The judges gave her some caveats, but overall told her she did real good.  I agree.  Scores?  8, 8 and 8 for a total of 24.  Highest score so far tonight!

Up next we have Albert and Anna who I’m enjoying quite a bit this season.  They’re dancing the quick step and Albert is doing the show (and dedicating this dance) to his grandfather who was a ballroom dancer himself.   He seems to almost have an awkward start, I can’t put my finger on exactly what is wrong.  The song and the dance are mismatched, for one.  I don’t know.  I don’t think the judges are going to dig it.  Actually, they sort of liked it.  They give him some really good constructive criticism, actually.  Len called him a “dark horse” in the competition.  We’ll see what the scores say.  Scores?  7, 7, and 7 for a total of 21.  Better than I expected, but I’m happy with them.

Dancing the mambo we’ve got Helio and Julianne.  Wow, he’s just got charm and talent doesn’t he?  Yeah, I’d say he’s definitely a front-runner in this competition. Yeah, this is a good dance, at least from my perspective.  He had energy where Mark had NONE.  And the judges?  Total agreement.  Bruno likened him to a professional dancer.  Everyone practically slobbered over him, he was THAT GOOD.  Scores?  9, 9 and 9 for a total of 27.  NICE.

Jennie and Derek are next dancing the quick step.  Is it just me or does she not look like she did on “Beverly Hills, 90210″?  She must have had some work done or something.  Or maybe it’s just age.  She looks good though.  Wow, she dances pretty well too.  Ballroom is her thing, apparently.  I think she’s got grace down.  There was a pretty good flub at the end, but I don’t think it was her fault.  The judges liked it pretty well, thought maybe it got a little shaky in the middle, but saw potential there.  Scores?  7, 7 and 7 for a total of 21.  Not shabby, considering.

Up next week have Cameron and Edyta (wow, racy costume there!) dancing the mambo.  Cameron’s feeling the pressure of his schedule and the dancing.  I want him to do well.  So that’s not really a dress, just so you know.  It’s a bikini with scraps of fabric attached to it.  The dancing?  H e does pretty well, actually, for all his fretting.  He’s no Helio, but he’s not bad either.  What do the judges think?  He needs to get into the music and feel the rhythm, but overall did pretty well.  Scores?  7, 7, and 7 for a total of 21.  We’re seeing that a lot tonight, aren’t we?

Next we have Floyd and Karina doing the quick step.  Call me crazy but I think he’s going to bite the big one on this.  Poor Floyd.  He tries hard.   The music is good for the dance.  And you know, he’s better than I expected he would be.  He could be smiling more, but the rhythm is down.  Plus, the footwork is right on.  As Kile (my husband) pointed out, that’s what boxers do, so it makes sense.  The judges liked it. Needs to work on posture, but he worked it.  Len said he looked like he was guarding against a left hook.  Indeed!  Scores?  7, 7 and 7 for a total of 21 (again).  I actually expected higher.

Dancing next are Jane and Tony dancing the mambo.  Will Jane’s hips twist?  Will the snake teach her how to mambo?  Will the latin dance make her crumble?  She could be moving more, I think, her hips DO need to get the hint.  But it’s not bad.  Definitely not as natural to her as ballroom, but she’s doing well enough, I think considering it’s such a challenge for her.  What do the judges say?  They pretty much agreed with me.  Len called it an “English Mambo” and I kinda agree.  It wasn’t raunchy enough.  Carrie Ann liked it, thought the elegance worked in this mambo, she was playing to her strengths.  Scores?  7, 7 and 7 for ANOTHER 21.  Sheesh.  Five people with that score.

Lastly, we have Sabrina and Mark dancing the quick step.  Will she be able to cut ballroom?  Oh, and no more hip hop moves in any of her dances.  She struggles with the posture (as have most of the celebrities tonight) in practice.  Does she have it?  It’s definitely quick.  And the little leaps seem to be right on.  She’s definitely got charisma.  She’s got energy.  Both are very good for this dance.  And not a trace of hip hop.  Pretty dang good!  Do the judges agree?   Yep.  They do.  Len cautions her against too much speed (which causes him to lash out at Bruno for being a smart ass).  Scores?  9, 8 and 9 for another 26 (matching their score last week).

WHEW.  So voting is only open for like 30 minutes, so by the time you read this, it’s too late.  OOPS.  So who are you rooting for?

I’ll admit, recently I haven’t been watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” as much as I used to.  I used to watch it darn near every week.  Last night, however, there wasn’t much else on to watch and it looked rather interesting.  The crew was in Hawaii, for the first time in the show’s history.  And I couldn’t help being enthralled by the stunning vistas and relaxing ukulele music piped into the soundtrack.  I’d like to see who among you could resist Hawaii when presented in such a pleasing manner.

It was a pretty good episode too.  The family was one of those ones who is a champion of the community, always looking out for others before themselves.  And as a result, their home was inches away from being washed into the river.  There has been some controversy, the family makes over $100,000 a year and the land on which the house was built was given by the state as a grant.  However, I don’t think that should have made a difference in how deserving the family was.  Hawaii is a very expensive place to live and these people were hardly living in the lap of luxury.

As always, Ty and the crew built a monstrous, gorgeous house for the family and yet again I wonder if they have paramedics on hand for when they reveal the house to the family.  Because the lady last night looked like she could have maybe used it.

It was a long episode, as “EM: HE” tends to be these days.  I think one hour would cover it sufficiently most of the time.   But overall I was glad I tuned in and I’m still incredibly jealous of that soaking tub they gave the parents.  I sure wouldn’t mind one of those!