Watching Reality TV

And it’s about dang time too. Not that I got to enjoy it because I chose to watch “The Office” marathon on NBC instead. Heh. But imagine my pleasure when I woke up this morning to find that it was indeed true! Rocky is gone and we won’t have to hear his bellyaching any more! The truth is, I was worried about Lisi after her breakdown last week and her trip to Exile Island. And rightly so, as her Tribe of Men was indeed planning to oust her. And of course, she’d had a change of heart and a clearing of her thoughts while in Exile. She wants to stay. But then Ravu went an won the reward challenge, their first challenge ever. And Rocky was… annoying at best. He mocked those who got sick after their feast of hot dogs and beer. As if it was a sign of personal weakness and not a purely physical reaction to eating proper (or rather, improper, depending on how you view hot dogs) food for the first time in many days. What a dingus. So they booted him instead. Ha!

In other news, Yau-Man found the immunity idol! He partnered with Earl to help get some alone time to dig for it and by golly, he found it. But then paranoia set in. Worried that he would get found out, he crafted a faux-idol out of coconut shells and buried it. Sneaky! Diabolical! Genius. You go, Yau-Man. I’m totally rooting for him, aren’t you?

I am mad. I’m mad and I think America needs to have it’s ears cleaned. They sell these little kits in the pharmacy section at virtually every grocery store out there that helps with that. You just put a few drops of this stuff in your ear, wait about 10 minutes, then wash it out. It works pretty well. Seriously, America. Consider it.

They voted out Chris Sligh, who has more talent in his curly hair than Sanjaya does in his entire body. But even if all the “Fanjaya” and VFTW voters out there were going to save his tone-deaf ass, at least boot someone like Haley or Phil. PLEASE. Because are you trying to insinuate that Phil and Haley have more talent than Chris? Puh-lease.

So I’m mad. I liked Chris from the beginning. He was starting to flag, yes. But he didn’t deserve to go home. PLEASE, America, get rid of freakin’ Sanjaya. I can’t take much more of this.

So last night the fans let me down and eliminated Paulina Porizkova from “Dancing with the Stars” instead of Leeza has I had commanded. Boo! Leeza wasn’t even in the bottom two with poor Paulina, Shandi was. Which, while her performance on Monday wasn’t that good it wasn’t that bad either. Neither of them were. Bah! Reality tv, once again, leaves me cold and disappointed.

Speaking of disappointments, did you catch Sanjaya on “American Idol” last night? Holy train wrecks! First off, we must talk about the hair. What was up with the HAIR? Sanjaya chose a rather punk-ish faux-hawk (as is the style these days, but no one told Sanjaya it is more a style with celebrity babies and not grown men) to wow the audience last night. And his choice of song, “Bathwater” by No Doubt was painful at best. Even poor Gwen Stefani (tutoring the finalists last night) was cringing. It was, in a word, bad. To quote Simon Cowell, Sanjaya is in his own universe. It certainly doesn’t seem to matter what the judges say because I doubt he’ll be going home this week. And that is just really, really pathetic.

No, Heather Mills’ leg did not fall off for the second week in a row, for those of you keeping track at home. But Joey Fatone is quickly becoming a favorite in this competition as he charms the socks off everyone in his path. And if there’s one personality trait that is essential to winning “Dancing with the Stars”, it’s charm. In a departure from previous seasons, no teams have been eliminated quite yet, giving all the stars two weeks to dance before the voting takes place. If you want to place your vote for this week, visit the ABC.com website.

Who had the lowest score from last night? That would be Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko, unfortunately. See, it’s that charm thing again and Clyde is having a hard time being charming and dancing at the same time. However, he wasn’t that bad, I think the scoring was a little low on that one. I thought Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani were worse though they scored all 7’s from the judges. Leeza just doesn’t seem cut out for this show and I’ll predict right now that she’s the one to go home. Of course, it could be that that is just what I’d like to see happen.

Leading the pack yet again is Apolo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough and Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. I am really enjoying Laila, more than I thought I would and I hope the fans respond to her.

Tonight, expect to see a recap show at 8pm to catch people up with the last two performances, followed by the results show at 9pm. Tune in and root for your favorites!

The big news from last night’s “Amazing Race: All Stars” is not who was eliminated, but rather, who came in first. Again. This is proof positive that there is a giant rift in the universe. And I think that rift is HUNGRY. We must feed it with the blood of Charla and Mirna, lest we get swallowed whole ourselves. Am I right? So yeah, Charla and Mirna came in first yet again. I hesistate to mention that I found them less annoying last night. If I did, you might mistake my meaning and think that I actually like them which I DO NOT. Actually, you know who I love? Oswald and Danny. They are just downright adorable. I loved their interaction with Charla and Mirna on the Dhow to Zanzibar. And they’re just so danged relaxed all the time, its hard not to be charmed by them.

The airport was a nightmare on this leg, and is in large part why Charla and Mirna remained in first place. The cousins took a risky move by flying to Johannesberg in South Africa and then trying to find a good connection to Tanzania. The other teams soon found out how good a plan that actually was when their own flights were booked solid. Truthfully, moving to a larger airport the way Charla and Mirna did is a very good strategy. You’re going to have far better luck at a larger airport than at a smaller one. Unfortunately for Teri and Ian, the Guidos and Eric and Danielle, they got stuck in Johannesberg. And then there were two, as Eric and Danielle got lucky and got onto a flight that the other two teams were unable to get on. This put the Guidos and Teri and Ian almost a whole day behind the leaders. Ouch!

What I loved, is how even though Danny and Oswald were ahead of Charla and Mirna after the Detour, they decided to stop for fruit, giving Charla and Mirna the lead. And Charla and Mirna went on to win first place for the leg (and won a pair of catamarans, which is ironic considering how seasick Charla got on the dhow over to Zanzibar). I think Danny and Oswald did that on purpose, to be honest. I think they wanted Charla and Mirna to come in first. There are any number of reasons they could have wanted it. I’m sure it’s genius, whatever it is.

In the end, Uchenna and Joyce need not worry. Even with their thirty minute penalty for not coming in first they still managed to come in third place with no team sneaking in while they had to wait. Teri and Ian were ultimately eliminated, as the Guidos easily finished the puzzle Detour ahead of them. However, I don’t think the Guidos are out of the woods quite yet because at the start of the next leg, they are significantly behind the other teams. So we’ll see how that works out for them next week. I hope there’s some bunching, because I don’t think the Guidos should go just yet.

She’s the next biggest “American Idol” sensation and she’s not even one of the contestants. Ashely Ferl is just a thirteen year old fan of the show, and Sanjaya. But on Tuesday’s performance episode, she bawled her eyes out over Sanjaya and now her name is on everyone’s lips. The Los Angeles Times sent a reporter to her home town in hopes of talking to someone who knows her. She’s been interviewed by both Access Hollywood and The Today Show. MTV has called her the “next David Hasselhoff”. I kid you not, people.

What has happened to the world? First, Sanjaya is NOT removed from “Idol” as he should, and now the poor, misguided pre-teen who sobbed over him is a celebrity. If that isn’t a sign of a dying civilization, I don’t know what is.

American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Ashley Ferl, crying girl

It wasn’t a merge last night (probably too early for that anyhow, we haven’t milked the whole luxury vs. suffering thing enough yet). But Jeff did throw a big ol’ wrench into everything just the same. He switched up the tribes. Or rather, he selected Edgardo and Earl and had them pick buffs and then pick their new tribes (a la grade school kickball). It ended up that Earl picked Boo, Michelle, Cassandra, Yau-Man and Stacy and the group of them headed off to the lap of luxury on Moto. Hmm, the most likeable from Ravu with the women of Moto. Interesting pairing. Edgardo selected Mookie, Alex, Rocky, Dreamz and Anthony who now resided in Ravu. Lisi, who wants BADLY to go home, got sent to Exile Island instead (and she wasn’t too happy about it either). When she gets back, she’ll move in with the boys. I don’t envy her much, either, because those boys are a nice, hot, mess. For one, the new tribe of Ravu doesn’t seem to like women all that much. Rocky was practically ecstatic to be in a tribe of only men. And he berated Anthony constantly, calling him a girl and ultimately championing his removal at Tribal Council. Nice, huh? Rocky had better be on the chopping block next because he’s tap-dancing on my very last nerve. Luckily, he seems to be on the nerves of the rest of his tribe as well, so perhaps I’ll get my wish.

It was nice to see some of the more enjoyable players from Ravu get to enjoy the finer things in life for a change. It was about time.

Actually no, apparently the girl was crying because she was so excited and happy. I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me either. Last night’s “American Idol” featured songs from the 60’s “British Invasion” and while I felt that some of the songs were pushing the definition a touch, they all picked some pretty good choices. Sanjaya even picked a good song, he just brutalized it is all. He picked “You Really Got Me” by the Kinks and really tried his best to rock it out, wandering the crowd and doing a lot of yelling. And I wanted to pull my eyeballs out and stick them in my ears so I didn’t have to watch or hear any more of it. Yes, it was THAT BAD. And, apparently, the longstanding “American Idol” fansite “Vote for the Worst” has chosen Sanjaya as the worst and is asking it’s visitors to chose Sanjaya in their voting. And shock-jock Howard Stern is only fueling that fire. Yes, people are voting for Sanjaya because he is the worst. I guess at least that explains why he’s still in the show. Hopefully the rest of America will come to their senses and the pre-teen fangirls out there will be grounded from the phones this week because the dude NEEDS to go.

ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” premiered it’s fourth season last night and the show seems to have gotten off to a good start. Leading the pack with the highest scores are Joey Fatone an Kym Johnson, Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke. Joey Fatone clearly came out on top with the highest score of 24 from the judges. The man can cut a rug. The worst of the night were Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff with a grand total of 13 points and Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani with 15 points. Leeza has her age as a good excuse (plus, apparently she and partner Tony locked horns during rehearsals which couldn’t have helped). Billy Ray seemed all over the place and his partner Karina’s hair issues did nothing for the performance as well. Truly a disappointment because I couldn’t help but hope for some sort of comeback for Billy Ray. Yes, appears I have forgiven him for his mullet. And for all the hype over Heather Mills, her performance was actually pretty blah. There was a tragedy, however, in her choice of costume for the evening. YIKES. That was one scary dress (I can’t find a picture of it, or else I’d share with the rest of you all). But no, no legs went flying. Yeah, I was kinda disappointed about that too.

All in all, it was a solid premiere. Enjoyable dancers, fun costumes, fun music. Everyone (well, almost everyone) looked like they were having a good time. If you want to vote for your favorites, go to ABC.com. And tune next Monday at 8pm to see Round 2. Maybe we’ll get some legs a-flyin’ then, right?

It happens so rarely on a show like “The Amazing Race” that I’m surprised as much as I was by last night’s episode. When you’re in your umpteenth season, you’re pretty formulaic and save for a shocking elimination or two (grr… still upset about Rob and Amber going home), chances are nothing is going to be a shock. So it’s rather nice when you can still find yourself surprised while watching, right? Here’s what surprised me about episode 5 of last night’s “Amazing Race: All Stars”.

• What a pig Eric actually is. I mean, I had an inkling after Episode 3 where he told Danielle to use her big boobs in the Roadblock task and generally made some piggy remarks about her that offended ROB of all people. But last night he was downright awful. My “favorite” was him getting pissed at Danielle when the Guidos beat her to the mat at the pitstop and he heckled her about getting beaten by the “Queens.” Oh yes he did. Is it possible that I’m feeling sorry for Danielle? Yes. Is it possible I feel some amount of vindication for rooting for the Hippies during Eric’s season of the show when no one else liked them and wanted the Frat Boys to win? Yes.
• How amusing the Roadblock where giant rats had to indicate where to dig was. And how tickled I was at Teri and Ian’s rat’s name being Tupac. You’d think I would have been grossed out, but I was charmed instead.
• How imbalanced the Detour was. Let’s see, haul tons of coal around or paint nails. Hmm. Teams that picked the nails finished quickly and easily. Not so much for the coal. Were the teams afraid to have to approach locals, you think? Did the producers take that fear into acccount when they set up the challenges?
• The BQ’s coming in second was less surprising than the fact that I… don’t think they’re actually that bad. Seriously! I’m warming up to them. They were so cute during the Detour, interacting with the locals. And giving that little girl a free manicure because she didn’t have money but wanted pretty nails… SO cute. And I love how they shrugged it off, saying, “Her nails were so tiny, it only took a minute.” Aww. Dare I say I’m sorta enjoying them this season? You know what that means, they’ll be eliminated next week.
• Oswald and Danny were hilarious this episode. I loved how Oswald chased Phil around at the pitstop mat, threatening to hug him. Good times.
• Charla and Mirna came in FIRST. FIRST. They came in FIRST. This is where I started to wonder if we’d taken a major detour to Bizarro World. FIRST. That just ain’t right, people. This will give them the idea that a) they’re actually good at this race and b) they have a chance of winning. Which neither is at all true. Mirna SUCKS and I am not a fan of this team. I want them gone. HATE HATE HATE.
• Uchenna and Joyce came in LAST. LAST! I think this is a good indication of how messed up this entire leg was. Charla and Mirna come in first and Uchenna and Joyce come in last. We are definitely in Bizarro World now. Luckily, it’s Non-Elimination and while they’re Marked for Elimination next week, they’re still in it.

Am I still bitter about Rob and Amber being eliminated. Yep. But I was able to find some enjoyment in the episode last night. Next week, Eric gets kicked off a plane and I can only hope it’s because the airline discovered what an ass he is.

Starting in exactly 7 days, 11 hours and roughly 54 minutes, VH1 will be launching their new reality-esque program called “Acceptable TV”. You may have seen an ad for this while watching repeats of “I love the 90s”. The premise for this show is pretty simple. It plays upon our innate urge when watching bad tv shows to say to ourselves, “I could do better.” VH1 is calling all of you out on that one, basically saying, “Prove it.” They want you to control what you think is “Acceptable TV” (get it now?) Each Friday night at 10pm they’ll show a couple short television pilots as well as pilots that have been submitted to them by viewers. After you watch the pilots, you log onto acceptable.tv on vote for what you loved. The shows that get the most votes will be back the next week. The others will not. You’ll also get the opportunity to upload your own show that might make it on the air. Jack Black is a host and co-creator of this show, so expect some pretty silly stuff. Don’t believe me? Check out the trailer:

I know, it’s quite the newsflash, isn’t it? Apparently, the fans of “American Idol”, the ones who vote each week on their favorites, are completely, 100% tone deaf. How do I know this, you ask? Because last night they voted out Brandon Rogers over Sanjaya Malakar. And no one seems more surprised than Sanjaya that he’s still in the game. See, even he knows he’s in way over his head. And across America, the non-voters (like myself, for shame) let out a corrective groan at the realization that we’ll have to watch Sanjaya limp through yet another song next week. It’s getting painful to watch, ya’ll. Yes, yes, Brandon is no Chris Sligh or Blake Lewis and he did forget large portions of the words to his song on Tuesday. But did he really deserve to be sent home before Sanjaya? Methinks not. Since I’m pretty sure Sanjaya is getting the pre-teen vote, I’m calling upon all parents of pre-teen girls to ban their daughters from the telephone next week. Please, for the good of the country and the good of “American Idol”. I beg of you.

American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Brandon Rogers, results show

The fourth season of “Dancing with the Stars” starts on Monday, March 19th on ABC. Last season was such a sensation with Mario Lopez and the infamous Emmitt Smith, it’s natural to wonder if this season will measure up. Will Billy Ray Cyrus wow us with his moves and will Heather Mills’ prosthetic leg fly off mid-dance? (The latter being something that people are genuinely interested in and I’m telling you, people are placing BETS.) The show has moved from it’s usual Tuesday night to a Monday night airing. Wisely so, as ABC isn’t about to put it’s big reality draw up against the monster that is “American Idol” (however, the results shows will air on Tuesdays). We’re left to wonder if “Dancing” will suffer the fourth-season slump that many of it’s predecessors have suffered. By now, the bloom is off the rose and it’s time for the show to really prove itself as having staying power.

And, the bigger question, can these stars dance? If you hope on over to this MSNBC article, you’ll see some profiles of each of the celebrities and any advantages or disadvantages they might having going into the competition. My favorite was this about Joey Fatone:

It seems odd that Joey Fatone still lists his profession as “NSync Star,� since the band made its last album in 2001. Nevertheless, the “former teen idol and/or boy-band member� spot has to be filled by someone, and even if you’re “the less cute one,� it might as well be you. While Fatone probably can’t get Justin Timberlake to hoot for him in the audience, don’t be surprised if you see Lance Bass. Nostalgia acts in general and boy-band members in particular have strong track records, so don’t count Fatone out.

Are you planning to tune in this season? Is there any celebrity that you’re going to be rooting for? Do you think Heather Mills’ leg will fall off?

Dancing with the Stars, Heather Mills, Joey Fatone, Billy Ray Cyrus

Have you heard of “jumping the shark?” It’s a pop culture term for tv shows that have gone south before going off the air. The “Jump the Shark” website can explain it far better than I can:

It’s a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on…it’s all downhill. Some call it the climax. We call it “Jumping the Shark.” From that moment on, the program will simply never be the same.

The term “jump the shark” was coined by site founder Jon Hein’s college roommate of 4 years, Sean J. Connolly, in Ann Arbor, Michigan back in 1985. This web site, book, film, and all other material surrounding shark jumping, are hereby dedicated to “the Colonel.”

The aforementioned expression refers to the telltale sign of the demise of Happy Days, our favorite example, when Fonzie actually “jumped the shark.” The rest is history.

Do you think “The Apprentice” has jumped the shark? Recently ousted contestant Derek Arteta thinks so. According to him, moving to L.A. and sleeping in tents is a sure-fire sign that the show has jumped that proverbial shark and the quality is on the serious downslide. And while the general consensus on the “JtS” site says the show hasn’t jumped quite yet, the votes otherwise are definitely on the rise. What do I think? I think the show has definitely jumped. And not necessarily because of the move to L.A. either (though that’s a definite sign). Basically? The show is about work and about business people and when it comes down to it, neither of those subjects are particularly exciting to watch. In this day and age of “Heroes” and “Lost” and “24″, viewers want something with a little pizazz, and “The Apprentice” is like watching C-SPAN.

The Apprentice, Donald Trump, Derek Arteta, Jump the Shark

Wow. Just… wow. This morning, I sort of need to remind myself that last night’s episode of “Amazing Race: All Stars” actually happened and wasn’t some sort of dream. It just seems like such an unlikely outcome: the team who has come in first for all three of the previous episodes comes in last and is eliminated? Just… wow.

I know a lot of people can’t stand “Romber”, but I respect them as racers. Sure, they were arrogant and cocky and more often than not, a little mean to the other contestants. But I always felt they were mean within the boundaries of the show. They never were outrageously mean or arrogant.

Take last night for example. Towards the end, when it was apparent that Rob and Amber were in mortal peril, there was some scuffling with Charla and Mirna. Both were jockeying to get out of last place and Amber said, “Got it” when they passed Charla and Mirna on a trail. A trail that led to nowhere and certainly no clue box but they didn’t want Charla and Mirna to think that. Well of course this pissed them off pretty badly. But I felt it wasn’t that outrageous. Kinda immature, but I might have done something similar if I had found myself so close to last place.

It was just bad, bad luck for Rob and Amber last night. After some airport bunching, they chose the wrong Detour to work on. It required perfect spelling, which should have been an indication. Despite Amber wanting to switch tasks early on, Rob was determined to stick with it and couldn’t get past his misspelling of “Philippines”. Then, after finally switching tasks, they walked in the wrong direction simply because Rob felt he knew where they were supposed to go. He was wrong. Ultimately, the reality powerhouse duo was felled by a “needle in a haystack” Roadblock where Rob needed to find a letter addressed to him and Amber. Each team got a letter from a team they raced with on their respective season. Rob and Amber got a letter from Patrick and Susan. Remember them? The mother and son team where the son had decided before the race even started that he detested Rob and never let it go? Yeah, well, apparently he’s still an insufferable ass. Good to know.

Somehow Charla and Mirna and Uchenna and Joyce have decided that Rob and Amber coming in last is some large karmic payback from the universe. Which, doesn’t hold for me, but whatever. Speaking of insufferable. And while Mirna and Charla gloat over beating Rob and Amber, they take their loss as well as they can. They smile, laugh, and admit they had a really bad racing day. Rob is disappointed that he’s out of the game. Amber is glad they had this chance to work together again. In all, they went out on a good note. And… Charla and Mirna are STILL IN THE GAME. When is the universe gonna pay that one back, eh??

Amazing Race: All Stars, Amazing Race, Rob and Amber, Romber, Charla and Mirna, recap